A word on vitality, from Martha Graham:
"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."
I took Day 31 off. It just seems easier to workout every other day now, both physically and in terms of scheduling. But if I weren't aiming to do every day, I wouldn't be hitting every other day. Besides, my friend Jen Dziura told me that muscles only build while at rest. So there.
I'm so much stronger than I was when I started this project just about a month ago, it's really incredible. It's funny, tho, as my strength is building, my balance is off. I guess you can't have everything all at once, until you suddenly do. It's like mastering stand-up. At first you're so bad you don't even know how bad you are. And then you get better and you can see how far you have to go. I feel so much more vital - both on and off stage - than I did a year ago. Somehow miraculously I continued to perform while grieving for my Dad and watching my marriage unravel, but I was just going through the motions. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't take a break, despite what I was going through, because the regularity of performing - having something to focus on and look forward to - those are the things that save you in times of trouble.
My friend Adrienne Iapalucci is having a lovely and well-deserved moment in the sun right now, having been chosen as an opening act for the New York Comedy Festival. In this article in the Times, she talks about how she got in a car accident and gained 100 pounds. But look at her, she's gorgeous, she lost all that weight - and her Dad, too. And she never quit. Sometime last year, she saw me at a show and said, "I'm so glad you didn't quit, even tho you have a kid, cuz you're so funny." That really meant a lot to me. I think about it every time I feel like maybe it's time to throw in the towel on the old clowning life.
So, here's to anyone out there, worried that they have to quit pursuing their dreams. Don't quit. Take care of yourself. Get your life right. But don't quit. Keep your heart pure and your eye on the prize. I don't know if you'll get there, and I don't know if I'll get there. I guess it depends on where "there" is. But I know ain't nobody goin' nowhere if they quit tryin'.
Namaste.
