30for30 Challenge Day 17 & 18: Wax On, Wax Off

Day 17 was officially a bust - I didn't do anything (walk - bad... smoke/drink... good). Day 18 is going better - I took a 45 minute power jam strut-a-thon, but I am about to crack open a beautiful jug of this:


Okay, I've had three sips and I can already feel the blood in my arms. Taking a break is goooood! "Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but balance, order, rhythm and harmony." - Thomas Merton (I'm not fancy. It was on the bottle.)

What can I say? It's Mother's Day weekend and I deserve a treat! (Also, I am super lazy and have a strict need for alcohol in my genes, so.... there's that.) AND, my friend Kambri broke her two week dry spell tonight too in honor of her husband Christian Finnegan's newest Comedy Central special, Au Contraire, airing RIGHT NOW!

The important thing is that I have no desire to smoke, so I figure I'm still okay. Plus, I totally deserve a lil sippy... I was officially the best Mommy in the world today! I took Adriana to get her ears pierced! She was such a big girl, she didn't even cry. She was a little stunned after the second ear, and she looked at me like, "Why did you just circumcise my clit?!" But all in all I think she handled it like a champ.

30for30 Challenge Day 16: Bo-ring!

Alright, even I'm bored with these updates, but without blogging the "progress," I'm not sure I'd do the work. So here are the vitals for Day 16:

- Pumped it up to 40 minutes.

- Still look pregnant.

- Feel much better than Day 1.

I think that my state-of-mind has improved more than anything, and that is something you can't buy. (I know, because for a while I was looking for it in the bottom of a Chardonnay bottle, and that costs about $12.95.) I'm finally to a point where though of course I still appreciate the taste of a fine red, I don't crave a drink, and I feel fully convinced that I will never smoke another cigarette as long as I live (which will hopefully be longer as a result).

Now if you'll excuse me, Grandma must shove off to bed, because a full 8 hours a night has been a big help, too! Night night!

30for30 Challenge Day 15: The Biggest Loser

Almost was the biggest loser today in that I felt like shit from not getting enough sleep so I was going to skip my walk. Thank God my sister grabbed me and made me pound the pavement. I was recognized by a stranger on the sidewalk (the one day I don't take a shower! I believe that's called "Castiglia's Law"), but according to my mother I looked "fine, Carolyn. You look the same as if you'd taken a shower and done your hair." The moral of the story: I always look like I didn't shower.

Butt seriously, farts... a minute ago, as I was laying on the couch (eating really only a very small handful of tortilla chips. After all, it is Cinco de Excuse to Eat the Foods I Normally Eat Everyday Day) watching the end of The Biggest Loser, I thought to myself, "These people lose HUNDREDS of pounds in 4 months and I skipped a week of 30 minute walking sessions? LAME!" My friend and fellow comic Poppi Kramer is a Biggest Loser winner, in fact. I've seen this shit go down in the flesh! Time to up my game, son. Day 15, I'm halfway through. I'm upping my physical activity to ONE HOUR a day from here on out. In two weeks, I want to be able to dance with That Chick Mara Herron, like this:

http://tinyurl.com/dgmkfp

30for30 Challenge Day 14: I think I'm gonna like it here.

Walked hilly terrain for 35 minutes, ran as a part of that, meditated. I am finally totally ready to be fit again. I love how all of a sudden I think this is gonna happen overnight. That's the frustrating part. You get to that place where you're like, "Oh, I can do this! Duh! I used to do this!" And then you want things to be the way they were in a snap and well that's just not how it works, is it?! I spent a lot of days drowning my sorrows (and being pregnant) to end up like this, so I'm gonna have to spend almost as many getting back to a place where I could do this if I wanted to:

For those of you reading this on Facebook, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nM_-CFRBS8

30for30 Challenge Day 13: Gaining Ground

First of all, I am decidedly non-strategic. That's just something I feel like I should point out about myself. I don't worry about my image and I hate the dreaded consistency of "branding" and I guess that is my brand. I'm just not impressed. I should probably care that I'm blatantly honest and obvious without any sense of mystery or irony, but I don't. I don't care! DFJM*!

Secondly, I JOGGED TODAY! What?! I know! It's crazy! For all of 2 minutes, but I did it! The other 28 were spent power-walking (I feel like a Grandma every time I say that) and then at the end of my session I MEDITATED! What? I know! It's crazy! On a bench dedicated to my grandparents. It was really very sweet.

Does it matter that I'm eating taco salad right now? I don't think so. I feel vital and shiny for the first time in ages, so sue me if I dab on a lil sour cream! It's better than puring a Corona over my head to alleviate stress**. (Who's with me?!)

*DFJM courtesy Leslie Goshko. Don't Fucking Judge Me.

**I've dumped a Corona over my head, in a bathtub, on more than one occasion. I DON'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM! DFJM! Now, a little Googling has proven, brilliantly enough, I'm not the only person who's thought of showering with Corona. The people of The Bath Project have some photos on Flickr of them making Corona Soap!

30for30 Challenge Day 12: Jai Ho!

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire and cried like a baby (about to be sold by her father). I also walked a fiercely hilly terrain for 30 minutes at high speed and have not had a drink or smoke in 12 days. I feel alternately proud and pathetic.

Things I want right now:

Top it all off with a Windextini. Yum.

New HuffPo

Click above to read the piece.

30for30 Challenge Days 4-11: PASS/FAIL

Photo by Sean O'Kane.

PASS: No smoking! No drinking! Total straightedge for 11 days!

Thinking about tattooing this on my back to celebrate:



FAIL: No real exercise to speak of - at all. Sure, I've been walking, but not in solid half-hour chunks. Chunks. Ha-ha. Gulp.



Thinking about tattooing this on my stomach as a reminder: