Friday, October 09, 2009

45for45 Challenge: Days 6 and 7

I wasn't able to workout til 10 o'clock last night and was too tired to blog about it afterwards. I hate the term "workout," by the way. It feels like it only applies to going to the gym, and only to people whose spandex pants are riding too far up their crotch. But saying "I wasn't able to do yoga til 10 o'clock" makes me sound like a total pussy. (Either way, there's too much pussy involved.)

I actually liked working out late, because I felt like I was really releasing all the cares of the day, and yesterday was pretty stressful. Adriana threw a monster tantrum that ebbed and flowed in intensity, but overall lasted for hours. I'm not sure why she was so cranky yesterday - I think going to school without a nap is just too much for her. She has said on more than one occasion, "I think we should take a nap at school." God love her, as my mother would say.

I'm not sure if it's because I was stressed or if this is all part of releasing my muscle memory (blah blah) but I went to bed so angry last night that as I lay there falling asleep, I had a vision of myself in Warrior Pose just kind of tremoring, like the Hulk, getting bigger and angrier by the second. Instead of panicking I just let it ride out, and eventually the vision exploded and the anger subsided. (Um, orgasm allegory, anyone? Also, why am I being this honest? I have no idea. But it feels like the right thing to do.) People do search and stumble on each other's blogs, and if there's some poor soul out there Googling "divorce, yoga, comedy, motherhood, white rap," well, they'll be lead here and hopefully feel better about themselves after reading about how shitty I've felt. Ha.

But I want to talk about tremoring again for a minute, because today as I worked through all the poses I felt very weak - I mean, very. The kind of weak where all your muscles tremble and you feel like you might throw up. That's probably because I haven't done yoga in 10 years and decided it would be a good idea to do it seven days in a row - but, hey, no pain, no gain and all that.

On (my yoga teacher) Eva's blog, she talks about studying Alexander Technique, and the last time I did yoga was part of the Voice and Movement class I took in college, during which we also studied Alexander Technique. One of our assignments for the class was to write a paper on various other Voice and Movement techniques being taught, and so I chose to cover Fitzmaurice Technique, which starts with "Tremorwork," or the Destructuring of the body and breath. It's similar to yoga in that different positions are used to force the muscles to shake (tremor), but it differs in that there's no spiritual element. Eva doesn't talk about the spiritual aspect of yoga on this DVD, but she doesn't have to. I think the practice of yoga, in simply being truly mindful of your alignment in the poses, effortlessly and automatically leads you to stretch and bend your soul. In stretching and bending your body to the point of tremor, you remember things, maybe painful things that are stored deep within you. But by tremoring, you're shaking them out.

I am shaking them out.

Or, as Rogers and Hammerstein once so charmingly put it:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNl5p-TpGPU