Wednesday, April 30, 2008

TONIGHT

pvc

Cheryl B. Presents
PVC: The Poetry Vs. Comedy Variety Show

PVC is not a typical poetry slam nor a regular stand-up comedy show. PVC is a battle of wits and rhymes where the stanzas and the stand-up collide.

April 30th, 8PM
$7, One Drink Minimum
Bowery Poetry Club
308 Bowery, NYC
www.myspace.com/pvcshow

EMCEE
Carolyn Castiglia (VH1)

MUSICAL GUEST
Wendy Ho (LOGO)

POETS
Andrea Alton (The PIT)
Rain Maker (Nuyorican Poets Café)
Douglas A. Martin (In the Time of Assignments, Soft Skull, 2008)

COMEDIANS
Brian Baumley (Life & Style)
Mike Ennis (The StraightMen)
Livia Scott (MEAT)

JUDGES
Eliot Glazer (Comix)
Shawn Hollenbach (Host of Here TV's Busted)
Tionna Smalls (RADAR)

I don't mean to burst your bubble.

Yeah, you do.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Unknown Rap Sensation!

Here's me in my BFF (Best Fag Friend) Shawn Hollenbach's podcast for Here TV.

Inappropriate, but hilarious.

Cross-posted from (a sweeter version at) Adriana's Mom.

DSC01531
Multi-racial porn?

Yes, I did pose these otherwise unsuspecting Little People like this to take a picture, BUT - it was a re-creation of a moment that happened while Adriana was playing, and I thought it would make the perfect visual accompaniment for this little anecdote:

Adriana has a habit of switching her t's and c's. So car sometimes sounds like tar, and yes, kitties sometimes sounds like titties. That said, this weekend I was in the bathroom applying astringent to my face when Adriana asked me, "What's in that bag?" I replied, "cotton balls." And she echoed, "cock and balls?"

Oh, if only we could keep them in a bag, Ziplock fresh between uses! Am I right ladies? I blush at the implications of grabbing one to apply cream to the face...

Innocent mistakes breed silent chuckles from adults at childish jokes. These are the simple pleasures of parenting.

Imagine if this happened with every T and C word? (T U next Cuesday, anyone?) Her favorite song from Caillou (or is it Taillou?), "Tick-Tock, Watch the Clock" could become a bruised member quickly when pronounced, "Kick Cock." She does pronounce clock like tlock, which is fine with me. I mean, does anybody really know what cime it is? Does anybody really tear?

Listen. I don't mean to be trazy. It's just that I think it's cime she cried to caulk like an adult. Is that so careable?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Cast-off Track

The hot and fierce lady Mystique just sent me this track that she and three other laydeez from Miss Rap Supreme threw down after we left LA. You'll hear Madawm, Wenzday Atemz and Mami Montana. Listen - it's bangin'!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

No matter what, you gotta love this.

This is in no way meant as disrespect, because I think Khia is right on in so many ways, but those who don't think there's something inherently hilarious in hip-hop and its swagger better watch this shit right now:



"That's a bad muthafucka, cuz she did some real shit."

Monday, April 21, 2008

Headline News

Thanks, Diana. Make your own by changing the headline in the address.

I was on The Cipha Sounds Effect this morning on Sirius Shade 45. I love that cat! Video should be available later this week. Boomsnap!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Cats and Cities

DSC07151

Inspired by two posts I was directed to from The Apiary, I present you with this picture of our cat, Smitty, and a list of all the places I've ever lived, in order:

East Chicago, Indiana
Oswego, NY
Fredonia, NY
Chicago, IL
Fredonia, NY
Astoria, NY - two different apartments
New York, NY*
Fredonia, NY/Weehawken, NJ

*clearly the high point.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Quit!

For those of you who'd be psyched to hear this sort of thing, I quit smoking about a month ago. Don't applaud. I can't hear you - this is the internet. And I still want a cigarette. There's something just so awfully wonderful about having something burn in your mouth while the sun burns your skin on a day like today. Plus, if the city smells like melting rubber, why can't I?

Can't someone just come up with a healthy cigarette?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

This is what poverty looks like:



A vending machine? Yes. A vending machine, aka my kitchen cupboards and dining room table all rolled into one nice, big steel package.

My last four meals have consisted of nothing but food from the office vending machine. Here's how you make that work:

Just because you only have $1 for dinner doesn't mean you can't have a balanced meal. Last night I had Quaker Baked Cheddar Snack Mix and Raisinettes. That's fiber, dairy, fruit and dessert all rolled into one! Just now I had a Nestle Crunch bar and Smart Food Cheddar Popcorn. I mean, it's in the name, people - they don't call it Smart Food cuz it's a dumb idea to eat it. Too bad I can't afford a Smart Water to wash it down. Instead I chose mildly autistic coffee. It's got a full spectrum of flavor. (Oh! Autism joke! Call Jon Stewart! Add me to the lineup of Night of Too Many Impoverished Sublebrities for Autism Edumacation!)

As you can see from the content of this post, it's very important to eat your vegetables. If you don't get enough green stuff in your diet you start to act like a rat on acid. The moral of the story is, don't take cabs when you can walk and then you won't have to eat 1 3/4 ounces of pretzels for breakfast.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Pictures from last night's Hysterical Fundraiser at Comix

Hysterical Fundraiser Collage

Photos by Maryanne Ventrice! Featuring (clockwise) Mel and El, Rachel Feinstein, Awesome Audience Member, Bridgett Everett, Adira Amram, Heather Lawless, Kambri Crews and Desiree Burch, Ophira Eisenberg, me.

Podcast: The White House, "White Girls Shouldn't Rap"

I sat in at The Tank this weekend with my friend Elon James White and his crew at The White House to record this podcast about rap, race and musical theatre. You can hear me freestyle about half-way through and then again with the fabulous Jessica Delfino at the end of the episode. I have to say, I think it's a pretty engaging and funny conversation, great to listen to (on headphones cuz there are a few swears) while you work.


powered by ODEO

If you don't have time to swallow the whole thing, here's just the clip of me responding in rhyme to Elon's mandate that white girls shouldn't rap.

Monday, April 14, 2008

At Comix, 4/11/08



Photo by Maryanne Ventrice.

When the Lights Go Down in the City

...was the theme of the first prom I went to - as a sophomore, no less. I was so popular! (In the drama club! Hey-oh!) Ego Trip is here to let you know that when the lights go down tonight, friends, IT'S PAGEANT TIME!


Miss Rap Supreme Prom

I promise this is the last time I will tell you to watch the show. And this is the last time I will tell you to come to Comix tonight at 8 pm for the Hysterical Fundraiser. Don't make me say it again!

Friday, April 11, 2008

MONDAY, MONDAY

A great song by the Mamas and the Papas... and a call to arms for you to come to The Hysterical Fundraiser, Monday at 8 pm at Comix! BUY TICKETS ONLINE NOW.

Look, I was interviewed in the New York Observer about it:

Observer Logo
Hysterical Carolyn Castiglia New York Observer

And we had a nice feature in the Village Voice, too! Thanks, Kambri!

VillageVoice Hysterical

Thursday, April 10, 2008

New Trailer for Miss Rap Supreme

Here's a new promo clip for Miss Rap Supreme! I had a killer time kickin' it at the Rejection Show last night - word up to everyone in the front row at UCB for taking it like men. There should be video of my clips, castigations (thanks for that clever pun, Sean) and cutting linguistics soon. In the meantime - enjoy this! It's getting good! Monday at 10!


video.vh1.com

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The reviews are pouring in...

And by pouring I mean one person said one thing about Miss Rap Supreme. I made the "Honorable Mentions" List on Dumb Bitch Slayers. Check it:

CKC Miss Rap Supreme DB Slayers

Big love to my girl Fabrisha Dankins (above me pictured here) and her partner-in-rhyme Calisha Jenkins of Drunky Brewster fame!

Come to UCB tonight to hear the whole story! And don't judge a chubby book by its cover, son... just listen to Track 2 off my new album Baby Maker entitled "More Cushion for the Pushin" before you decide not to give this phat chick a ride...

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

La Dolce Vita

My friend Lauren LoGiudice just sent an email containing this amazing quote that makes me wish I was in Rome right now:

Here are some things I have learned in Italy; 60% of lesbians in Rome are Buddhist, 70% of staunch conservative Catholics in Rome are fascist, espresso is sustenance for life, dessert can be eaten as part of every meal and you won't gain any weight, getting drunk on wine in the middle of the day is called lunch, the perfect thing to wear to go to a cafe on a Sunday when you are 75 is a full length fur coat.

Calgon, take me away! I also just caught Under the Tuscan Sun for the first time this weekend, so I'm imagining myself drunk and blond in a fountain. Add a full-length (faux) fur coat to that and that's pretty much what I hope heaven is like.

Be sure to check out Lauren's spread in BUST Magazine this month in an article titled "The Feminine Mystique." Lauren runs a great event called Victoria that my friend Raven Snook can be quite often found at as well.

How nice!

I woke up to find a lovely email in my inbox this morning from a "fan." (What is this curious "fan" of which you speak?) I guess that's what people who don't know you that say nice things about your work are called... interesting. People actually can be really f-ing cool! Holy sh*T!

Anyway - for the scrapbook, you know:

"Hi Carolyn. My coworker and I have watched you from The White Rapper Show. We thought you were absolutely hysterical. I cannot wait to watch you on the new VH1 show. I just wanted you to know that you are so funny and that you seem to have such a great personality. If you have any more upcoming things like a comedy club how could I get a listing? Let me know please. Best of luck Carolyn and keep up the laughs. We all enjoy watching you."

So speaking of upcoming things.... here are some great shows I have coming up! (Segue city!)

***

Rejection Show

Wednesday, April 9 @ 8 pm
The Rejection Show's “On-Air Television Rejections” Volume One
UCB - 26th and 8th (behind the Gristedes, I told you!)
$5

Featuring some of NYC's finest comedians and writers sharing the footage and behind the scenes tales of their on-air rejections, humiliations, eliminations of failed footage and clips from Survivor, American Idol, VH1, A&E, The Tyra Banks Show and more!

Featuring appearances by Sean Crespo, Lang Fisher, Carolyn Castiglia, Adam Newman, Sean Patton, Sean O'Connor, Brooke VanPoppelen, Jon Friedman and more... plus LIVE MUSIC FROM THE DEFIBULATORS.

THE REJECTION SHOW is a live comedic event that embraces the rejected and “turned down” material of well-known and up and coming writers, comedians, cartoonists, artists, filmmakers, TV personalities and other artistic types who display their creative “failures” live on stage. It is a hilarious compilation of rejected material (personal and professional) and the stories that go with them.

***

Hysterical Fundraiser

Monday, April 14 @ 8 pm
The Hysterical Fundraiser
Comix - 353 W. 14th Street at 9th Ave.
$15 pre-sale at this link: http://comixny.com/event.aspx?eid=380&sid=1175
$20/door

Carolyn Castiglia (VH1, MTV2) hosts:
Adira Amram (UCB, Jane Magazine)
Ophira Eisenberg (Premium Blend, US Weekly Fashion Police, VH1)
Bridget Everett (At Least It’s Pink at Ars Nova)
Rachel Feinstein (Premium Blend, Montreal Just for Laughs Festival)
Heather Lawless (Be Kind Rewind, Variety SHAC, Flight of the Conchords)
Mel and El (New York Musical Theatre Festival Concert Series at Ars Nova)

Check out The Hysterical Festival's site!

FOLLOWED BY THE PREMIERE OF EGO TRIP'S MISS RAP SUPREME ON VH1 - VIEWING PARTY IN THE BAR UPSTAIRS AT COMIX! 10 PM - BE THERE!

Monday, April 07, 2008

My Mom is so famous...

Thanks to everyone who sent me notes telling me I was in the Post yesterday! From Sunday's paper:

Post Masthead

New York Post Title

New York Post Quote

Read the full article featuring quotes from several New York comedians here!

Update: This story was picked up by The Huffington Post, and surprisingly the liberal set was not impressed. Click to read gems in the comments section, like, "50 funniest Jokes!............................. NOT!" Oh Borat - you're hilarious!

Friday, April 04, 2008

The Final Frontier

The internet has become the new battleground for people who have never met to duel. Two cases in point. One, much closer to home... my friend Sara Benincasa had her Tub Talk show (perhaps unintentionally?) ripped off by Craig Bierko. Sean McCarthy has already done a fine job of comparing Tub Talk and Bathing with Bierko, so I won't rehash that here. But what I would like to point out is this little TV (and now web)
repartee between the incredible character actress and mimic Tracey Ullman and the I-loved-her-in-Jerry-Maguire Renee Zellweger.

This video includes Tracey's impression of Renee:



And here's Renee's reaction, courtesy of Huffington Post. (Don't click just yet, because you'll be taken out of this post.) Someone once told me, every joke has a butt. It's nice to know Renee's ass took it well. As someone who's no stranger to Renee Zellweger impressions, I think there's something about her that's well worth lampooning. But I'm impressed with the amount of humor and humility she shows in reaction to it. Now if only Dina Lohan will feel the same way.

Still Barack from the Block

Feel like bring moved to tears by crazy hope-mongering high school students from SoBro? Watch this:




Thursday, April 03, 2008

You must know about... Bird of the Day!

The web can be a crazy place, filled with weird and wacky things. A lot of them are interesting, a lot of them are forgettable, but none tickle me so as Carla Rhodes' secret email list, Bird of the Day. It makes me so happy every time one of her emails filled with feathery delights pops into my inbox, which is, aptly, once a day. Therefore, after some cajoling on my part, during which I told Carla she could have a hit like "Flavorpill meets Cute Overload," she has opened her mailing list up to the general public. All you have to do is visit here to sign up, and you too can receive such brilliant missives as this one:

Thank you for subscribing to "Bird Of The Day."

Here is your requested "Bird Of The Day."

The image
A very fancy dancin' Cockatoo. (Photo by Len Charnoff.)

BONUS LINK: JESSE'S FAMILY (One of the best bird videos, ever).


##

No, you cannot unsubscribe from "Bird Of The Day." *

* Unless you can prove that you're allergic to feathers.

##

Past birds of the day include:

Some pigeons enjoying a nice Italian breakfast (watch out for Sneaky Starling).
A Yummy Polka Dotted Guinea Hen
Baby parrotlets in an Easter Basket!
Baby cockatiels in an Easter Basket!
Baby Muscovy ducklings with their Marshmallow Mama.
A blue budgie makin' out with a green budgie.
Bird Of Paradise.
Colonel Mustard Dental Centres.
Red-winged Blackbird vs. the Great Blue Heron.
The Mad Bluebird.
Bearded and non-bearded buff silkies.
A.J. The Indian Ringneck Parakeet.
Peppy The Pelican Snacking on Penelope Pigeon.
Sunshine the Smokin' Indian Ringneck Parakeet.
CoCo the Cockatoo.
Lineated Barbet approaching nest hole.
Double-crested Cormorant enjoying a Saturday brunch.
Tufted Titmouse enjoying a pile of peanuts.
Lickin' Lorikeet.
A.J. The Indian Ringneck Parakeet.
Sammy The African Grey.
Palm Cockatoo (Probosciger aterrimus).
Male Superb Bird of Paradise.
Colonel Mustard in a scarf.
Broken Invisible Bird.

------

Carla has a long history with feathered friends. Here's a note she sent detailing her story:

I love birds. They are prehistoric, loving lizard flying machines that can talk. And they are very fluffy. I started 'Bird Of The Day' because I absolutely adore birds and find them to be amazing creatures. I generally find photos by searching the internets. I think up a species of Bird that I would like to feature and try to find the most intriguing photo. Viola! Bird Of The Day.

Carla with rooster

I've been a bird lover since I was a child. I fell in love when I was 6 with a green Parakeet named Emily that later turned out to be a he, but I still called him Emily. Emily soon had a blue Parakeet companion named Rew. Apparently, two birds weren't enough, and a canary named Uno joined the flock. All three of these birds lived in my bedroom until I was a teenager. I followed with further bird-capades. When I was 15, a hoot owl fell out of a tree. A neighbor brought it over and let me wean it back to health. But, the Owl consumed too much hamburger meat, so my Dad made me take it to a local bird rescue group. I cried. For as long as I can remember, I've always had bird companions. In college, I had a pet Cinnamon Cockatiel named Aunt Agnes. She became infamous around campus for eating spaghetti off of folk's plates. When I moved away from college, a friend adopted Aunt Agnes.

When I first moved to NYC, I was penniless and birdless. But not for long. I was walking down 2nd Avenue during the winter and passed a peeping fluff ball. Turns out the peeping fluff ball was a baby pigeon. I rescued the pigeon and kept him through the winter. His name was Bob and he was very tame. He once escaped out of his coop during the night and climbed in bed with me. Most of my friends, upon visiting my previous apartment, were horrified to see I had a pet pigeon. After I rehabilitated him, he was re-released by a local birding group.

Carla with Bob the pigeon

Currently, I have two pet birds: Colonel Mustard (Yellow Ringneck Parakeet) and Hoopty (Green and Yellow Parakeet).

Carla's birds Col. Mustard and Hoopty

That's it! Now go forth and enjoy the unique brand of life that is Carla Rhodes as much as I do!

Carla and Carolyn