This alone makes Tumblr worth existing:

http://postcardsfromyomomma.com/

Go now! You will die!

Thanks, Mica!

Get Out the Map

Those of you who know me probably realize that I am fond of, let's say, some ostentatious things, like my silver coat, for example, or some of the crazy cocktail ring-bling I wave around. But recently, I've had an amazing windfall of jeweled delight come my way. First, by virtue of the hands of Marianne Ways, who made me this fantastic subway map necklace:

She will make you your very own subway map necklace featuring whatever stop you claim as your own - East Side 116, what up?! - if you contact her. (Please don't be a tard and spam.) Necklaces are $10 and will make you the talk of the town. Even the woman checking my ticket at airport security said, "What is that? I've never seen anything like it!"

Part two of my bejeweled adventure coming soon, involving me, a couple from Texas and Barack Obama. (My first foursome!) Exciting.

My girls on Martha!!!

What?!

Any girl raised in the last 30 years probably has some soft spot in her heart for the wickedly wonderful maven of domesticity Martha Stewart. Yes, she's got a little bit of that Glenn Close crazy-eye, and, yes, she's been in jail for financial fraud, but that just keeps her real. (I would love to see her take Rachael Ray in a home decor/food stuffs GLOW-style throwdown.) At any rate, my girls Allison Bojarski, Nichelle Stephens (co-producer of Chicks and Giggles) and Rachel Kramer Bussell of Cupcakes Take the Cake taped a segment of her show today that will air on March 31! Yay! This is so awesome. And check it - they look good enough to eat:

Congrats, ladies!

Where babies come from...

I'm adopted.

I mean, my Mom is my Mom, but my Dad adopted me when they got married. I was around 7 when the papers went through, but I met my Dad when I was about 4. He's the only Dad I've ever known.

And yet, despite the fact that I grew up in a nuclear family, I think I've always maintained some kind of Pippi Longstocking mystique about where I come from and who raised me. (Which is why it felt so right when I was cast as the lovable redhead in a children's theatre tour.) Putting on that wig filled with pipe cleaners felt like coming home.

When I was in high school, one of my best friends said to me, "I just can't imagine you having parents." And recently, my friend Sara Benincasa told me this:

My vision of your origin is that you ran away from home at the age of 16 months because you wanted to live the thug life on the streets and your family wasn't street enough and they didn't understand your passion for the Sugar Hill Gang and Funkmaster Flash.

Sorry, Mom. But I think she's on to something there.

Girly Girl Burleskapades!

The first ever Girly-Girl Burleskapades were held this past Friday at The PIT. They featured stellar performances by:

Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco
Ann Carr
Carolyn Castiglia
Carla Rhodes and Katina Corrao
Sara Schaefer and Becky Yamamoto
Gina Vetro

...and were hosted by the ever-rad Adira Amram.

Here's what Kevin Allison, Artistic Director of The PIT and member of The State had to say about the show:

I am thrilled. Since last February, I have been saying, The PIT needs a real Vaudeville show. An anything goes, no holds barred, all styles and eras of comedy in the mix Gong Show. A big, jaw-dropping grab bag of varied surprises. That's what you all delivered last night and the audience was seriously jazzed about how much fun it all was.

Girls, how kickass were you? Each act was unpredictable, outrageous and sharply rehearsed. Adira's hosting was a blast.

I couldn't have said it better! Just want to publicly shout-out all my girls and let you know that you should definitely check out the next one this Friday! Plus, if you stick around after the laydeez take it off*, you get to see lots of balls when the boys put their yes-and on! What?

*Actual nudity may not occur. But you will see lots of women bare their souls. And it don't get more intimate than that. Am I right, people?

Mark Your Calendars for April 14!

Cuz here's what's happening:

Plus, afterwards, stay at Comix to watch the first episode of VH1's Miss Rap Supreme, featuring the triumphant (?) return of Miss CKC!

Check out the article on VH1's blog!

That's the prom I'm goin' to, suckas.

The Tudors Premiere Part III: Back to The Tudors

This is where it gets personal.

Let me just say that I now understand why actresses spend weeks getting ready for The Oscars. This premiere may as well have been my wedding, because I don't think I've put this much effort into my appearance since then. (I don't even get my nails done to be on TV, but the notion of Henry Cavill seeing extra skin on my cuticles made me shudder!)

I decided last week to pop into the ol' Lane Bryant, aka the overpriced Strawberry for chubby chicks. I was praying I could find a cute dress... something to make me look, dare I say it, sexy? Yes. Sexy! I was quite relieved when I walked in and saw tons of dresses hanging on the walls. I bought a gorgeous, silky little pink number, a few other shirts and thinganoodles (Adriana's word for thingamadoodles, which is also not really a word) and peaced next door to the Shoe Mania where I got a pair of Kenneth Cole Reaction heels made of soft leather in the front with patent leather on the heel. I'm no shoe whore, unless we're talking sneakers, and even I thought they were stunning! I'm fairly convinced they're knockoffs, but what the hell? (Kenneth Cole... are you putting me on?)

I toted all of this to work with me yesterday, and at lunch I ran out to get the fastest mani/pedi ever. As I shimmied down the narrow stairway covered in lopsided tiles, I felt dirty, like a rich girl, having had two women slaving away at my hands and feet. One of them asked me if I wanted a back massage, and I said no on principle. (Besides, I didn't want my athlete's foot to spread to my shoulders.)

Later, the clock struck 5, and it was time for Cinderella to go to the ball! But not before she got ready in the handicapped stall of the public bathroom. I put my makeup on, added a little product to my huuur and threw my dress on over my head in a careless gesture that said, "Ha! You're gonna make it after all!" It was like that Chase commercial. Except I wasn't dancing with shopping bags in a fountain. But, whatever. You get the point.

Just as I was about to walk out the door, I realized there was one thing I'd forgot:

Now, I've posted about my tenuous relationship with Spanx before. In fact, this is only the second pair I've purchased, because despite what Oprah says, no one needs to be sucked and tucked that hard. It took me what felt like 10 whole minutes just to pull these things over my hips let alone my c-scar. (Ooh, it's gettin' real in huur!) I was sweating so hard I thought I'd pass out, but finally, gravity was overcome and my FUPA was out of sight. When I looked down at my hands, calloused from hours of the grueling tugging of nylon, I noticed that pulling up my Spanx had actually peeled back my brand new manicure!

You mean I just wasted $40? WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANYTHING NICE?

That said, and despite the fact that I didn't obsess over removing all of the unwanted hairs from my face, I had a wonderful time. Enjoy these pictures of me dorking out with the cast and a few new friends. They are all talented and lovely!

Bloggers in the house! My boy Bags from BuzzFocus.com.

The kids from Okay and InTouch. Delaina, Laura and Matt.

Oh! Who dat iz? CKC and Henry Cavill, you know! Soooooo cute! Aaaaah! I felt like I could have picked him up like I was an Officer and he was not a Gentleman, but in fact rather a tiny lady. Sweet as punch.

Say what, Natalie?! She is super cool and cute to boot. We talked about how it's awesome that even tho she's hot she is also a great actress. I love British people. They are holdin' in down like the trooth. Natalie is such an amazing juxtaposition of sexpot/girl next door. She reminds me of someone I went to high school with. In 2004. The year I graduated. (Turns away to grab polenta nugget as it whizzes by on a tray...)

As was previously mentioned, Best Week Ever's Michelle Collins was in the piece. Here she is making ha-ha's with David Alpay.

What's going on under the picture's frame, kids?

As you can see from my familiar hand gesture, Dave and I are old buddies. As kids we used to call him Davy Crockett. He didn't like it, but he was so good-natured, even then. (What?)

With Billie Piper, star of Secret Diary of a Call Girl. She was a dear and a delight as well. I got down on my knees since she was seated when I took this picture, and she laughed when I quipped, "Look, I'm on my knees just like a call girl!" Oh, razor-sharp, people. Ouch! Are you bleeding? Cuz you just got cut!

On the way home, I stopped into Starbucks to use the loo, and then Britney and Adnan and I walked barefoot out into the parking lot to eat some Cheetos and do shots of Red Bull. It was such a great night. See ya next time, starlets.

Tudors Premiere Part II

I met a bunch of stars last night and now that it's just a memory it seems totally surreal. I didn't have my camera with me because (of course) the battery was dead, but I did buy a point and click at the gift shop of the Sheraton, so as soon as those pics are developed (people still get film developed?!) I will put them up, but in the meantime, here are a few of my favorite shots from The Tudors premiere last night:

James Frain. So cute in person. And he's starring on Bway right now! Hello?! Talent.


David Alpay. Chances are you haven't heard of him yet, but you will. Adorrrrrrrable. Alpay to hang out with him anytime. (Hey-oh!) Also, he's very funny - but more on the threesome I had with him and Michelle Collins later.


Henry Cavill and Natalie Dormer. They are both delicious. And skinny. I felt like an ogre next to them. A really pretty ogre in brand new shoes.


HE'S THE KING OF ENGLAND! Johnny Rhys Meyers and his gal pal. I dare not speak to his majesty, but he seemed like a real cool cat.


PETER O' TOOLE! Need I say more?

I mean... it's like grandpa dancing with the bride at a wedding. But grandpa is PETER O'TOOLE! I am still buzzing... more to come!

Just got back from The Tudors premiere.

Am elated. More soon. ;)

Cross-Cultural Encounter

Last night, on the subway, I saw an Asian kid wearing an Italian horn. In case you don't know what an Italian horn is (what? mingya!), it looks like this:



And that's about how big his was, too. It's was HUGE! It looked ridonkulous.

It made me realize that's what white people look like when they wear yin-yangs.

Imagine one of these around my neck, in my ears, around my wrist and at one point even in my (allergy-ridden) nostril and you can pretty much conjur my teen years:


All the while I thought I was deep, but really I was just an Asian kid wearing an Italian horn. I get it now. And I'm sorry.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Complimentary

It's always nice to receive a compliment about your work, especially when people are willing to go on a bit and say specifically why they like it. So I just had to post what the very talented Samantha Jones said about my set last night because not only is it really nice but also I think it pins the tail on the donkey of my soul:

I love your stand up. It's like a woman whose life suddenly happened to her and she's like "what the hell? I was just sitting here! How did all this happen?" I was so surprised when you were like "and my husband" and then "my baby." I was like what the hell - there were surprises around every corner - but then when you were like "I passed out in my baby's crib," that shit was funny.

So, there you have it. Thanks, Sam!

New Piece on HuffPo

"Yo, have you heard about Gov. Spitzer resigning?"

"Oh my God, that's so... yesterday."

True! Which is why I wrote a post about it last night! From the Huffington Post:


Click here to read the whole thing!

Count it down!

See me on tee-vee tonight!

Carolyn Castiglia
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

For a hot second, anyway. I just received this smile-inducing note from my gurl at VH1:

"A quick update for you…tonight, the world will see their first (new) glimpse of Miss CKC. We're running a super-short promo for Miss Rap Supreme during Flavor of Love and I believe there's a moment of CKC genius in the spot."

WHAT? Hahahahahahahahaha... shit.

Peace.

1 post incited by 2 girls I love about 3 things I learned the hard way.

The adorable team of Eliza Skinner and Glennis McMurray (also known as I Eat Pandas) are encouraging me to reveal to you (through a series of tags) "Three Things I Learned the Hard Way." I suppose I put off responding to Glennis' tag because as I thought about what I'd say, I worried that the many things I have learned the hard way aren't at all funny. But - throwing caution to the wind - here goes. These are not premeditated at all. I'm just thinking as I write and writing as I think.

1. Double suicide sucks.

I've mentioned this very briefly on this blog in the past, but for those of you who don't know, my grandparents committed double suicide when I was 18. It was terrible, and there's nothing funny to say about it, really. EXCEPT - the reason they "deaded" themselves (as the hilarious Cara Velazquez says as her poet character Sara Gutierrez) is because they were both sick. My grandmother had Parkinson's Disease - as I like to say, "before it was cute." It's amazing how the celebrity endorsement of a disease can make it totally hot. I mean, Muhammad Ali rocks that shit. "Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee, Tremor Like a Newborn Baby Stuck Out in the Cold." Michael J. Fox? Forget Spin City! More like Shake City! Am I right people? I mean, the calla lilies are clearly in bloom for ma Parkinson's peeps.

2. Ladies, always carry feminine protection with you.

Yeah, gross, a girl talking about her p-rod. Whatever. This is something I truly learned the hard way. When I was in 8th grade I got my period all over my jeans. My cool jeans, with the buttonfly flaps that folded down over the top. The ones I had written "hippie" slogans all over in marker. I loved those jeans. And they were lost. Along with my dignity. Thank God it didn't become a huge news story, despite the fact that I did NOT leave rehearsal for the musical review because it was way more important for me to jitterbug than it was for me to wipe the blood off my legs. That's why God made jackets - so you can wrap them around your waist in times of need.

3. Sometimes people will be mean to you just because they can.

I dated a Jewish boy in college who came from a fairly religious family. His father didn't like the fact that I was a shiksa any more than my mother liked that fact that the grandchild we'd produce together would be going straight to hell. (Quote: "I don't care if you raise the baby Jewish but you have to have it baptized first.") A-chhhem. We couldn't even get through a plate at Perkins without somebody crying, but the fate of our unborn child was hanging in the balance. Great.

Anyway, one day very early on in our relationship, his father told him that he should be careful while having sex with me because I might try to poke a hole in the condom in order to get pregnant and get their money. Right. Because if I'm gonna dig for gold, I'm gonna go straight to the top of the food chain and milk the richest guy in... Buffalo? I don't think so.

Now I ain't sayin' she a cold shrew
But she ain't messin' wit no broke Jew

Needless to say, as a young girl, I was terribly hurt. More from the fact that my bf didn't really stand up for me than the fact that his father had the nerve (the noive!) to say such a thing. We didn't use condoms! Cuz I wanted to learn about sex the hard... and fast way.

Now I tag:

Anne Altman
Abbi Crutchfield
Matt McCarthy
Nichelle Stephens
Jenny Rubin
Ann Carr
Bryan with a Y

Related: Here's what I revealed the last time Glennis tagged me. Best quote: "Now I relish the smell of baby diaper - it's a reminder of how far I've come."

Comeback Kid

Or should I say comb-back?

Let me first say that I am the type of woman who is made or broken by her hairstyle. I was fortunate enough to get a great cut around Christmastime, and people literally reacted to it like I was reborn. "Oh my God, Carolyn! You look so..... pretty!" I know, I know...

That said. I haven't always been this beautiful. My friend Jenny recently reminded me that I once looked like this:

The best part about this picture is not my amazing, high-fashion haircut... or the penis in my jeans. It's the table number looming there like a harbinger of a pant-size yet to come.*

In related news:

Clearly I was just ahead of my time.

*This sentence will win me the 2008 Bloggie Award for most references to the concept of "future."

Happy Women's History Month!

In honor of that, I'd just like to thank Facebook and Chase for taking us back 50 years:

The ad may as well read:

Boys know that people will like them no matter how they look, so they don't spend money on needless beauty products or sign up for gender-specific credit cards. They buy sneakers with cash and have good credit as adults so they never feel pressured to marry for money. And they have huge dicks. For pickin' your insecure ass up in a bar and having sex with you without having to call season.