This is where it gets personal.
Let me just say that I now understand why actresses spend weeks getting ready for The Oscars. This premiere may as well have been my wedding, because I don't think I've put this much effort into my appearance since then. (I don't even get my nails done to be on TV, but the notion of Henry Cavill seeing extra skin on my cuticles made me shudder!)
I decided last week to pop into the ol' Lane Bryant, aka the overpriced Strawberry for chubby chicks. I was praying I could find a cute dress... something to make me look, dare I say it, sexy? Yes. Sexy! I was quite relieved when I walked in and saw tons of dresses hanging on the walls. I bought a gorgeous, silky little pink number, a few other shirts and thinganoodles (Adriana's word for thingamadoodles, which is also not really a word) and peaced next door to the Shoe Mania where I got a pair of Kenneth Cole Reaction heels made of soft leather in the front with patent leather on the heel. I'm no shoe whore, unless we're talking sneakers, and even I thought they were stunning! I'm fairly convinced they're knockoffs, but what the hell? (Kenneth Cole... are you putting me on?)
I toted all of this to work with me yesterday, and at lunch I ran out to get the fastest mani/pedi ever. As I shimmied down the narrow stairway covered in lopsided tiles, I felt dirty, like a rich girl, having had two women slaving away at my hands and feet. One of them asked me if I wanted a back massage, and I said no on principle. (Besides, I didn't want my athlete's foot to spread to my shoulders.)
Later, the clock struck 5, and it was time for Cinderella to go to the ball! But not before she got ready in the handicapped stall of the public bathroom. I put my makeup on, added a little product to my huuur and threw my dress on over my head in a careless gesture that said, "Ha! You're gonna make it after all!" It was like that Chase commercial. Except I wasn't dancing with shopping bags in a fountain. But, whatever. You get the point.
Just as I was about to walk out the door, I realized there was one thing I'd forgot:
Let me just say that I now understand why actresses spend weeks getting ready for The Oscars. This premiere may as well have been my wedding, because I don't think I've put this much effort into my appearance since then. (I don't even get my nails done to be on TV, but the notion of Henry Cavill seeing extra skin on my cuticles made me shudder!)
I decided last week to pop into the ol' Lane Bryant, aka the overpriced Strawberry for chubby chicks. I was praying I could find a cute dress... something to make me look, dare I say it, sexy? Yes. Sexy! I was quite relieved when I walked in and saw tons of dresses hanging on the walls. I bought a gorgeous, silky little pink number, a few other shirts and thinganoodles (Adriana's word for thingamadoodles, which is also not really a word) and peaced next door to the Shoe Mania where I got a pair of Kenneth Cole Reaction heels made of soft leather in the front with patent leather on the heel. I'm no shoe whore, unless we're talking sneakers, and even I thought they were stunning! I'm fairly convinced they're knockoffs, but what the hell? (Kenneth Cole... are you putting me on?)
I toted all of this to work with me yesterday, and at lunch I ran out to get the fastest mani/pedi ever. As I shimmied down the narrow stairway covered in lopsided tiles, I felt dirty, like a rich girl, having had two women slaving away at my hands and feet. One of them asked me if I wanted a back massage, and I said no on principle. (Besides, I didn't want my athlete's foot to spread to my shoulders.)
Later, the clock struck 5, and it was time for Cinderella to go to the ball! But not before she got ready in the handicapped stall of the public bathroom. I put my makeup on, added a little product to my huuur and threw my dress on over my head in a careless gesture that said, "Ha! You're gonna make it after all!" It was like that Chase commercial. Except I wasn't dancing with shopping bags in a fountain. But, whatever. You get the point.
Just as I was about to walk out the door, I realized there was one thing I'd forgot:
Now, I've posted about my tenuous relationship with Spanx before. In fact, this is only the second pair I've purchased, because despite what Oprah says, no one needs to be sucked and tucked that hard. It took me what felt like 10 whole minutes just to pull these things over my hips let alone my c-scar. (Ooh, it's gettin' real in huur!) I was sweating so hard I thought I'd pass out, but finally, gravity was overcome and my FUPA was out of sight. When I looked down at my hands, calloused from hours of the grueling tugging of nylon, I noticed that pulling up my Spanx had actually peeled back my brand new manicure!
You mean I just wasted $40? WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANYTHING NICE?
That said, and despite the fact that I didn't obsess over removing all of the unwanted hairs from my face, I had a wonderful time. Enjoy these pictures of me dorking out with the cast and a few new friends. They are all talented and lovely!
You mean I just wasted $40? WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANYTHING NICE?
That said, and despite the fact that I didn't obsess over removing all of the unwanted hairs from my face, I had a wonderful time. Enjoy these pictures of me dorking out with the cast and a few new friends. They are all talented and lovely!
The kids from Okay and InTouch. Delaina, Laura and Matt.
Oh! Who dat iz? CKC and Henry Cavill, you know! Soooooo cute! Aaaaah! I felt like I could have picked him up like I was an Officer and he was not a Gentleman, but in fact rather a tiny lady. Sweet as punch.
Say what, Natalie?! She is super cool and cute to boot. We talked about how it's awesome that even tho she's hot she is also a great actress. I love British people. They are holdin' in down like the trooth. Natalie is such an amazing juxtaposition of sexpot/girl next door. She reminds me of someone I went to high school with. In 2004. The year I graduated. (Turns away to grab polenta nugget as it whizzes by on a tray...)
As was previously mentioned, Best Week Ever's Michelle Collins was in the piece. Here she is making ha-ha's with David Alpay.
As was previously mentioned, Best Week Ever's Michelle Collins was in the piece. Here she is making ha-ha's with David Alpay.
What's going on under the picture's frame, kids?
As you can see from my familiar hand gesture, Dave and I are old buddies. As kids we used to call him Davy Crockett. He didn't like it, but he was so good-natured, even then. (What?)
With Billie Piper, star of Secret Diary of a Call Girl. She was a dear and a delight as well. I got down on my knees since she was seated when I took this picture, and she laughed when I quipped, "Look, I'm on my knees just like a call girl!" Oh, razor-sharp, people. Ouch! Are you bleeding? Cuz you just got cut!
On the way home, I stopped into Starbucks to use the loo, and then Britney and Adnan and I walked barefoot out into the parking lot to eat some Cheetos and do shots of Red Bull. It was such a great night. See ya next time, starlets.
On the way home, I stopped into Starbucks to use the loo, and then Britney and Adnan and I walked barefoot out into the parking lot to eat some Cheetos and do shots of Red Bull. It was such a great night. See ya next time, starlets.
