Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Fortunate

I treated myself to some delicious Chinese food after Meat and Potatoes last night, and by the Grace of God I Got Two Fortune Cookies! (Yet another birthday boon, one can only assume.) These are the fortunes I found inside:

"Now is the time to try something new."

"People are attracted by your delicate features."

I guess the new thing I should try is getting some delicate features, then, huh?

Beer

Best Birthday Present Ever

Thank you, Facebook. You guys care about me so much! F U, MySpace! Where's my cake?!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Go shorty! It's your birthday!

Hey guys - tomorrow is my birthday. So, forgive the lack of posting over the Holiday weekend (as if you were all liveblogging the mashing of the potatoes. Oh, you were? Haha - my bad!) and allow a little self-indulgence here (cuz, uh, this is a blog, after all, and it's mine, and blogging is so '06 anyway, you guys...). Here are some pictures from The Onion/Dewars Presents show I did last week at Galapagos. Come to Meat and Potatoes tonight and/or Chicks tomorrow because there will be much party!

The Onion/Dewars Presents, photos by Anya Garrett

Photos by Anya Garrett. (Click to see larger version.) Featuring Joe Mande, Tom McCaffrey, John Mulaney, Cracked Out and Amelie Gillette (not pictured), the Onion's own Hater. Hosted by moi. Put together by Marianne Ways (below) and bounced by Eric "Big Dog" Greene. (I just gave him that nickname. I hope he likes it.) I also gave him an "e" on the end of Green(e) even though I'm not sure that's how he spells it. I just think it's sexiere that waye.


Thursday, November 15, 2007

Post-Thanksgiving Wake-Up Call!

Guys, after the Tryptophan has lulled you into a coma, come wake yourselves up on MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26 @ 8 pm with more Meat and Potatoes! Lots going on over at the blog, so check it out. And please come to the show! TATER TOTS WILL BE SERVED!

Small

Monday, November 26 @ 8 pm
The Green Room
45 Bleecker Street

Featuring:

Paul Case (Here TV)
Pat Candaras (Nick-at-Nite)
Kambri Crews (Comix)
Shawn Hollenbach (The Back Room)
Elon James White (Shades of Black)

Hosted by Carolyn Castiglia (VH1) and Baron Vaughn (Aspen Comedy Festival).

$12, with 50% off using discount code 8T2FOR1. Admission includes passes to see ukulele rapper Jon Braman! BYOB!

Here's a sneak preview of some of Jon's work:

Wally World

I have to open this post with some big, awesome news from my friend Jessica Delfino:

Morgan "Super Size Me" Spurlock's newest documentary is coming OUT this FRIDAY, and I don't mean in a gay way. I mean in a Cinema Village way. The documentary, entitled, "What Would Jesus Buy?" stars Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Choir as they travel across the USA to save the multitudes of thick, fat Americans from the commercialization of Christmas. I am very excited and proud to say that I wrote a few of the songs featured in this film. You can hear them during the Christmas Caroling scene in the movie, when the Stop Shopping Choir goes door to door singing lyrics that I penned! It's a terrific scene and very funny. I do encourage you all to go and see the film THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 16th. There will be a special Q & A after the 7:05 and the 9:20 PM showings where Morgan Spurlock and Reverend Billy will be on hand to hand-resolve all your pressing concerns and inquiries.

Jessica is a brilliant singer/songwriter who I have performed with many times. Congrats, gurl! You may remember Rev. Billy from some press coverage he had last year around the holidays on CNN and other cable news outlets. My friend Michele Colyn is undertaking a project this holiday season called the "practically free Christmas," inspired by the film. Looks like it's our turn to get on board! Let's do it, people! No more Wal*Mart! (Which is hard to say when you're broke. But I hereby make a vow. Did you hear me husband?)

Part of the problem, of course, is that most Americans in small cities, towns and rural areas don't have a choice. There's no Trader Joe's in Western or Central New York. And I'd venture to say that means there isn't one in Idaho, either. (There isn't. I just checked.) But there is a Wal*Mart! (7 in Boise alone, in fact.) I suppose Rev. Billy's mission is to say that in the internet era there is a choice - you can be hooked up with a West African shea butter collective in seconds online, and of course there are dozens of websites featuring crafts and DIY-stuff for gifts. But what about food? Super Wal*Marts are everywhere now, and they sell everything from groceries to gas - all at a lower price. It's pretty hard to resist, especially if you're broke. I've asked my husband dozens of times if we can go someplace else to get groceries for our Western New York abode, but when cash is tight, Wal*Mart wins. I feel gross every time I walk in there and worse when I walk out.

It reminds me of the poignant (if slightly flawed) epic comedy I was in a few years ago called Anathemaville. (Unfortunately the fabulous website created for the show is no longer available.) This review from Off-Off Online explores why the play was flawed, but interesting nonetheless. It was a long show (4 hours) and I was pregnant (8 months), so needless to say it took a lot out of me and therefore meant a lot to me. Which is why I was terribly surprised and almost felt jipped when I saw the poster for Walmartopia, a new off-Broadway musical at the Minetta Lane Theatre. It sounded too suspiciously familiar to Anathemaville for me to feel good about it.

Now, of course there is the creative phenomenon known as "parallel development," perhaps best showcased by the Yin/Yang Broadway/off-Broadway musical duels of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera vs. Maury Yeston's Phantom and Michael John LaChiusa's The Wild Party vs. Andrew Lippa's The Wild Party. From everything I've read, these productions were developed and produced at the same exact time, but our little, big Anathemaville was staged in 2005 and the Fringe production of Walmartopia didn't happen til a year later in 2006. But, that's neither here nor there, I suppose. Still, in all of these pairings the smaller productions remain nearer and dearer to my heart. I'd like to go see Walmartopia before it closes, but at $65, I can't afford a ticket! Isn't it ironic? Don'tcha think?

A few pics from the show for nostalgia's sake, and because shots of me pregnant are the only ones that make me feel skinny now. Ha!

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Pea in the Pod...cast

Uh-oh! It's another congratulatory shout-out to a friend! Fellow Fredonian Bonnie Petrie has a great new website called Pea in the Podcast that will knock any pregnant chick's socks off! If you know anyone who's in the family way, be sure to send them. Bonnie has 40 (40!) podcasts up already - one for each week of pregnancy. Seriously... if you have a friend with a shotgun at her back cuz she's knocked up - this is the place to be! I mean, at least one of yous must know someone who forgot to wear a condom, right? Look, all I'm sayin' is, if you didn't make it to Planned Parenthood to refill your pills, you should check this site out. It really is beautiful and will help you get ready for your new life as a prisoner parent.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Job Opportunity!

You know, you're probably not supposed to do this kind of thing if you believe in karma, but I keep getting so many crazy emails from people "looking to do business" I just can't help myself. Here are two gems I got just today:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: [redacted]
To: [redacted]
Date: Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:33:31 EST
Subject: NYC Radio & TV
opportunity

Hi, my name is [redacted], and I've been a successful
voice-over talent & coach in New York City for more than 30 years. Many
talent agents turn to me when they feel voice-over performers have potential but
would benefit from additional
work. Succeeding in commercial voice-overs
requires a competitive edge.
You may have studied the craft, but now it's
time to develop the art.
My syllabus and other course information follow. If
you have any interest in pursuing voice-overs, either as a primary career or as
an adjunct to your regular work, feel free to contact me either by e-mail,
[redacted] or phone [redacted]
Thank your for your consideration.
[redacted]

First of all, a FORWARD? You don't even have the decency to make it look like a first go? Secondly, it was in COMIC SANS. I can't seem to recreate that bumpy, goofy glory here, but yes. Comic sans, the font of death. Needless to say, I won't take class from a man who doesn't use Arial.

Next up:

Subject: Good comediannes

Dear Carolyn,

I saw your website on the Internet. Ironically, I was recently in NY and
coming back to NY in March for an industry reading of our new play [redacted].
Money is being raised for a Broadway production.

Chicks and Giggles sounds like a funny club. Female comediannes are great!
One of my favorites these days is radio personality Stephanie
Miller.

The reason I am wriitng is because myself and a few comedy writers wrote a
screenplay [redacted]. One of the writers wrote [redacted] starring Leslie
Nielsen and collaborated on other produced features as well.

[redacted] is about two wacky teenagers that make Paris Hilton and Britney
Spears seem like Nobel prize winners. One brick short of a load shall we
say?

Thought you might know some funny girls out there for a comedy act
featuring[redacted] .Certainly we could put together vignettes and material if
the act catches on.
Improv skills will be the biggest asset for the act.
The script is hilarious and represented by a [redacted] agent in
LA.

Please let me know if you can suggest some talent you auditioned or book.
Would like to develop the act with your club.

I have a PDF of the screenplay if you would like to get a feel for the two
characters.

Sincerely,
[redacted]


Okay - COMEDIANNES? It's the most vulgar term in the industry and it's not even spelled right! Listen, people. If you want a stranger to help you, USE SPELL CHECK! And reality check. That helps, too.

My response:

Hi [redacted],

I'm not sure what you're asking. I understand you have a movie
script. Are you looking to have me suggest girls who might be good for the
film or are you trying to create live sketch material based on the characters
from the film? I run a weekly show at a club, not a club itself. If
you can be more clear, I can try to help you. Definitely send the script
if you want my recommendations.

Thanks,
Carolyn

p.s. - I see you're in [redacted], so if you are trying to create a "live
version" of the film, is that something you want to do in NY? Or are you
looking to cast a reading in New York? I'm just a tad confused.


He replied:

Dear Carolyn,

Thanks for your email.

My idea is to create live sketch material for two comediennes called
[redacted]. It can be a part of an act or a show by itself. The act will be
based on the characters [redacted], 17 and [redacted], 16.

We know the comediennes portraying the sisters on stage are going to be
over 18. But ages 18 to 40 play teens in acts all the time.

As far as making a film, I believe the opportunity will present itself once
the characters are established in the public. There are also opportunities to
launch a stage play, especially in New York.

Please read the screenplay and let me know your thoughts about the two
characters.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[redacted]


Suffice it to say, I told him I wasn't the right person for the job... of building a live version of his movie so that he in turn could use my cast for what would probably be a horrible film, based solely on the fact that the attached "screenplay" was nothing but a bunch of wingdings. If you can't attach a PDF properly, you can't hold a camera. That's just the rules.

But, if there's one lesson for me in this, though, it's to ask for what you want. Ask ask ask! If the guys in Nigeria can do it, and these boobs can do it, so can I.

So... does anybody have a quarter? I'd love to buy a gumball. Thanks!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

We're gonna make it right, tonight, tonight, tonight... oh-oh!

Thank you, Phil Collins.

Hey - why not come down for another fan/fab installment of your favorite girly show?! (Okay, besides the one by Madonna.) But just like hers, there will be dancing! Plus stand-up! And maybe someone will mention AIDS?!

Girltastic
Ochi's Lounge at Comix
14th Street at 9th Ave.
No cover, 1 item minimum
November 13 @ 8
Featuring:

Ann Carr (Comedy Central's Motherload)
Negin Farsad (Laughing Liberally at Town Hall)
Laura Mannino (California Comedy Festival)
Jacqueline Novak (Invite Them Up)
Jenny Rubin (MAX)
Diana Saez (DC Comedy Fest)

Hosted by Carolyn Castiglia (VH1)

Friday, November 09, 2007

Sorry...

...I haven't posted in a few days! You know, writers strike and all...

Just wanted to shout-out my friend Jodi by posting her great review from fancy "Opera News" magazine for her role in Opera Cleveland's A Little Night Music:

IN REVIEW — A Little Night Music, Opera Cleveland, 8/11/07

November 2007 , vol 72 , no.5

Opera Cleveland closed the summer portion of its season in August with a beautiful production of Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music (seen Aug. 11). Though the work is technically a Broadway-style musical, its vocal demands and sophisticated musical language have made it a perennial favorite of opera companies. In the Cleveland production the beautiful sets by Erhard Rom were light and almost whimsical, perfectly reflecting the graceful Sondheim score. A dominant midnight sun was almost ever present, reminding us of the Scandinavian setting. Kim Brown's costumes, mostly black, white and earth tones, helped evoke the polished, elegant style the show demands. Benjamin Pearcy's lighting and Michael Medcalf's choreography were further assets. The dancers provided beautiful comment on some of the coming entanglements, also moving scenery when needed. Paul Gurgol's incisive, clear direction helped the singing actors capture the precise timing that all Sondheim comedies demand.

The singing was begun, of course, by the quintet of minor characters, who, in Greek-chorus fashion, comment on the action at hand. Local singers Darren Perry (Mr. Lindquist), Susan Wallin (Mrs. Nordstrom), Marian Vogel (Mrs. Segstrom), Timothy M. R. Culver (Mr. Erlanson) and Michelle Rice (Mrs. Anderssen) have all performed major roles in Cleveland in the past, pointing to how carefully and wisely Opera Cleveland cast the entire production. Their performance — whether in quintets, trios or duets — was always a delight.

The success of any Night Music production hinges on its five principals — all of whom grabbed love and attention in Opera Cleveland's cast. As Countess Charlotte, Meghan Moroney was perhaps the acting and vocal stand-out of the leading artists. Moroney made us feel sympathy for a character who can sometimes get lost in the tangled action of Sondheim's midsummer night. Kathleen Huber presented Madame Armfeldt — the crotchety and majestic lady who has lived such an "interesting" life — with perfect flair and impressively nuanced readings of her every line, sung or spoken. Fredrik Egerman was Kenneth Derby, whose whole demeanor showed that his character had lived a bit. His strong voice carried all the colors Sondheim's writing demands. Egerman's counterpart, Carl-Magnus, was sung with aplomb by Christopher Vettel. The Egerman–Carl-Magnus duet, "It would have been wonderful," was a highlight of Act II. As the object of their individual and collective fascination, Desirée Armfeldt, Marla Berg captured the frustration and sadness of a person whose life was seemingly wasted in her intense "Send in the Clowns." Desirée's music — essentially written for a non-singer — does not show off the quality or range of Berg's soprano, but she acted the role with telling command of detail.

Fredrika Armfeldt, Desirée's daughter, was played knowingly by young Lucy Anders. Erin Stewart's Anne Egerman was beautifully youthful and poised. She deftly played the difficult transition from "stepmother" to Henrik (only four years her senior) to his runaway bride. Henrik was quite well played and sung by Philippe Pierce, who not only was capable of singing the highest notes easily, without resorting to falsetto, but mimed the playing of the cello so admirably that most of the audience was unsure whether he was really playing or not. Jodi Brinkman's Petra was the perfect saucy minx. Her "I shall marry the miller's son" — sung with the naked Frid (actor Justin Tatum) sleeping at her side — was a show-stopper. Betsy Burleigh conducted quite musically and kept the orchestral underscoring present but "under." The discreet miking of the voices, necessary in most modern musicals, was well done by James C. Swonger. Preceded by many audience members picnicking in front of the Cleveland Playhouse on a beautifully balmy evening, the performance was a triumph.

- ALAN MONTGOMERY

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Reel Talk

Wanted to mention that I saw a great little documentary (that almost plays out like a mockumentary since its subjects are so over-the-top) called "Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock?"

Thomas Hoving, former director of the Met and self-proclaimed Expert is so ridiculous he deserves his own reality series, "Why I'm an expert and you're an asshole." I think this film would be a great companion piece to Pollock, which, in case you haven't seen it, is phenomenal but horrifically sad. (So, um, you should probably watch the sad one first. Just sayin'.)

You can't go wrong with a film that starts (and I paraphrase), "Everybody knows that fairy tales start with 'Once Upon a Time,' but when a trucker tells a story, it starts with, 'You're not gonna believe this shit.'"

Editor's Note: Pollock Film Fest pairs best with a bottle of Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay. And tell your friend to bring one, too.

San Francisco loves CHIPS!

The folks at the Menu Pages blog in San Fran have posted the CHIPS video! It's the crunch heard 'round the world!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Maury!

I just realized I never mentioned the Maury taping... how could I have missed that? I guess I mentioned it in a newsletter I sent out but I never actually blogged about it. Anyway! My friends Mara Herron, Jackie Monahan and I taped a few bits for Maury Povich that aired at the end of September and I've been trying to find the clips on You Tube but I can't. Mara has it taped at her house so hopefully I'll be able to show you at some point. But what you have to see in the meantime is this video by a man who's talent I was introduced to that day and who has since changed my life.

VON VON VON:




He is my soul.

Also, here are a few cute pics of precisely Mara, Jackie and I from the last Chicks at Mo's:

CKC, Mara and Jackie

Meow!
Nothin' like three hot brunettes with red eye...

And here's a pic of me and my buddy Baron who I am thrilled to announce is directing my upcoming solo show! More info on that after the holidays...

Me and Baron

p.s. - I just noticed that the subtitle during Von Von Von's performance says, "Antwerp, Germany," which makes it all the more priceless.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Happy All Souls Day!

Here are some excellent photos from last night's Poetry vs. Comedy Halloween Extravaganza taken by Luke Thayer and Abbi Crutchfield of The Slope's own hit show The Living Room!


First, kooky couples:


Luke and Abbi as Maurice the Landlord and Cabbage Patch Kid.


Abbi and I in action on stage. I was freestyling about Xavier Roberts signing her butt. Word.


Mark and Mindy (why, oh why isn't his name Mork???) as Robert Smith and Leibya Rogers.

Leibya (Mindy Raf) was our musical guest and she was on Halloween fire! It was as if she took the inside of a jack-o-lantern and turned it into a mirror and made us ALL look at our SOULS for the DAY.


Shawn Hollenbach as Skip Lickdale and Katina Corrao as Sparkle Montgomery as Strawberry Shortcake. How very meta. It's almost like Shakespeare.


Carolyn (the non-slutty) Bee and Livia Scott as Miriam Welch, editor-in-chief of Cat Fantasy Magazine.


Perhaps you recognize me from the Blind Melon video I did as a child or my more recent Nasonex commercial? I've been working a lot, even though I'm not a worker bee. I'm the Queen! (Natch.) I recently had the good fortune of appearing as an extra in Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie. (Have you heard of it? I'm not sure it's getting the exposure it deserves.) It's with a heavy heart I must report that despite Jerry's wealth, I was not at all impressed with the spread he put on at Craft Services. Nothing but honey! Oh, please. "Bees like honey!" I get it! And I suppose black people like chicken, hmm??? I can get honey any time, Jerry. I make that shit at home. What I can't get is a steak, okay?

A-hem.



Matt McCarthy as Bad Ass Larry.


Elon James White (Two-time former champ of PVC) as Care Bear X.


Margaret Dodge as Lubka Bubkova, this month's WINNER OF POETRY VS. COMEDY!


Our producer, Cheryl B. as a beat poet at a funeral. (I'm just guessing on that one.)

The Borg

I just got a press release informing me that, "The International Museum of Women Awarded Prestigious Anita Borg Social Impact Award for Online Exhibition Imagining Ourselves." I contributed an essay to said exhibit about the birth of my daughter that you can read here.

Exhibition Honored for Innovative Use of Technology to Connect Women Globally

SAN FRANCISCO – The International Museum of Women (I.M.O.W.) and Paula Goldman were presented on October 18th with the Anita Borg Social Impact Award for the online exhibition Imagining Ourselves. The international prize is given to an individual or team who has caused technology to have a positive impact on the lives of women and society or who has caused women to have a significant impact on the design and use of technology. I.M.O.W. won the award for its extensive and innovative online exhibit Imagining Ourselves that is unique both in terms of the depth of content provided, as well as the sheer scale of user participation from around the world. The exhibit contains thousands of powerful pieces of art, writing, video, music, and photography collected from young women around the world.

Projects

As much as I wish the title referred to low-income housing... it doesn't. I'm working on a new show with my BFF Shawn called Meat and Potatoes, premiering November 26 at 8 pm at The Green Room in NYC. It's set to be a fantastic stand-up and storytelling hour exploring the glories of growing up in the elusive "middle class."


Check back to the site over the next few days as we add info! And save the date: Monday, November 26 at 8 pm. Tater tots will be served!