Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
How can I curb global warming now? Simple. Get on any of the most technologically advanced, eco-friendly Vespa motor scooters and just "twist n' go" to get 70 miles per gallon and go 40-100 miles per hour, depending on the model.
Why should I do that? If Americans were to utilize one of the latest eco-friendly Vespa motor scooters for just 10% of their everyday travel, they could potentially reduce national fuel consumption by 14 million gallons of gasoline per day and decrease carbon dioxide emissions by 324 million lbs. per day.
(Full disclosure: I spend 10% of my day on the beam and 35% of my day with pie.)
I wonder if that red scooter can cure AIDS?
Ta-ta for now, folks. I have to go ride side-saddle with my boyfriend who clearly doesn't care if I fall off his bike. Ciao!
Scene: Interior of a taxi cab. Two girls get in the back.
Maria: I don't know Carolyn, I just feel like I'm on a hamster wheel of doing the same shows...
Carolyn: I know, but you're doing great. You just have to keep getting up all the time and people will call you.
: What? Yous girls comedians or sumin?
: DO SOME JOKES!
: Why not? I said do your rant for me!
Carolyn: Hey dude, what is this? Taxi Driver? Take it easy, De Niro.
: YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
Carolyn: No, dude. Calm down.
: They said I could be a comic. They said I was funny. My friends all told me...
Maria: Why didn't you?
: I am. I did. You ever heard of a little thing called HBO?
Carolyn: Taxicab Confessions?
: No. Cash Cab.
Maria: I've done Cash Cab.
: Yeah. They gave me $4000, but they didn't air it. They didn't like that I had ideas for them. But HBO did. They liked me. I took a guy once to CT. He wasn't goin' there. He fell asleep, and when he woke up I had to give him $100. I had to give him $100 just to get him to shut up. It was hilarious. They weren't filming it or anything, tho. I just did that. On my own.
: Where you goin'? You want me to take you to Weehawken?
Carolyn: No. Maria, wanna come over to my place tonight? (Winks.)
: WHAT? YOU SCARED OF ME NOW?
: You scared I'm gonna take you to CT?
Carolyn: No, we're just having a meeting.
: OH YEAH RIGHT, YOU'RE SCARED OF ME NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The girls throw money in the front seat and exit the cab.)
: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE SCARED OF ME! (Honks horn wildly and throws confetti (blood drops?) out the window, drives off.) SCARED OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!........
Carolyn: Anyway, next stop! Thanks. Have a good night. See you tomorrow...
Friday, July 20, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
I get jumpy inside just thinking about it! But seriously - why didn't they just cast me?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
"Oh, is this the white man you deserve?"
Now, people, here is why you should not look at a quote out of context. Rachel has a joke about how she used to date a lot of black and Hispanic men, but now she's dating a white man, because "she deserves it." It's hilarious and very well-presented as a part of her larger set. (And believe me, boy, is her set large!) Ba-dump-bump-lady-lump, tit!
However, repeated out of context (and shouted out whilst sitting between a black man and a Hispanic woman - did I mention that part?), it might cause some kind of misunderstanding. Fortunately the man next to me was engrossed in his Blackberry (no pun intended), but the woman jerked up and threw out a crazy look. Now, I can't say I blame her, but I was so busy talking to Rachel and her BF, I didn't really notice. Thankfully the woman didn't make a stink and probably caught on that it was a joke given that we talked about comedy the whole way home. But who's to say? Do we presume each other innocent until proven guilty? Most of the time, no. So I gave the black guy next to me a hand-job for good measure.
Anything for a better world, people! Anything for a better world...