Pick Me Up

The Poetry vs. Comedy Variety Show was L Magazine's Daily Pick yesterday out of all the events around town! We had an amazing time and Galapagos wants us to come back every month. That Cheryl B. is a winner! Here are a few pics for those of you who missed it:

The brilliant judges: Allen Warnock and Shawn Hollenbach from Coming Out (tonight at 10 pm at Collective Unconscious) and the gorgeous Heidi Schmid.

Poet Greg Walloch reading us retail porn...

Becky Yamamoto as (a pregnant) PP Snatch. Mz. Snatch was our winner for the evening after a tight battle against Janice "Girl Bomb" Erlbaum.

Despite the fact that Becky took first prize (an I Love Ashton fuzzy pink trucker hat), everyone was equally amazing. Jon Friedman, Desiree Burch, Janice Erlbaum, Hal Sirowitz and Greg Walloch. Remember their names, y'all! One day there'll be some other young poet reading about them in the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog...

Isn't it Ironic?

That a sad clown about to blow his brains out is so damn funny? Clowns always cheer me up. Thanks, Flickr!

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry it's been a while. I'm usually pretty good about writing, but ever since I started this job, things have been so hectic! It's not like in the old days where I could spend half the day blogging. Nope! Now I have to actually do work. Yuck! Plus I've been doing all kinds of comedy. In fact, if you wanna catch up, you could come see me at this show:

The Poetry vs. Comedy Variety Show

Thursday, February 23 at 8 pm

Galapagos Art Space

70 N. 6th Street between Kent and Wythe

Williamsburg, Brooklyn

I will be playing the "vs." as I will be hosting/refereeing this slam meets slapstick extravaganza!

Other than that, things have been going pretty well. I got an A on my math test (hard to believe, I know!) and Jimmy told Sally who told Jessica who told me that he likes me likes me so I think I might have someone to go to the dance with after all! I hope I don't wind up losing my virginity in the Pizza Hut bathroom like Cheryl did! I don't wanna end up pregnant and not graduate the 8th grade!

Love,

Carolyn

p.s. - I got a new bra today. It's a real A cup! Can you believe it?! I'm so mature.

A breath of fresh air.

Smoking is really just a way to turn the world off for a minute.

Especially when you work in Times Square.

Maple Surpull

Click here to check me out in "Wet Dream" by The Post Show boys. It's quite good, if I do say so myself. (Spoiler alert! Cute young boys with no clothes on - WET!)

Gross - did my mom just click?...

GENIUSES OF LOVE

Do you feel like love is hiding from you? Maybe it's hiding in the forest of self-doubt, or in the mall of recriminations. It could even be in the dentist's office of despair. Wherever love is hiding, love experts Becky Yamamoto and Tony Carnevale will help you sniff it out.

GENIUSES OF LOVE

Starring: Rachel Kramer Bussel, Chelsea Peretti, Patrick Borelli, Lang Fisher, Michelle Collins, Carolyn Castiglia, Alan Fessenden, Joe Randazzo, Frank Philbrick, Mike Barry, sketch group A Week of Kindness and the band Ladystein.

Tuesday, February 14 @ 8 pm

Galapagos

70 N. 6th St. between Kent and Wythe

Williamsburg

$5

How about a drink this Saturday?

Featuring stand up, monologues, improv and characters from:

Carolyn Castiglia

Tim Ellis
Michelle Maclay

Laura Mannino

Ryan Paulson

Sven Wechsler

Allen Warnock

Hosted by Shawn Hollenbach

Otto's Shrunken Head

538 E. 14th St. (btn. A & B)

Saturday, February 11 @ 7 PM

FREE!

*UPDATE*

Afterwards, stop by High Chai at 9 pm - 18 Avenue B at 2nd Street - for the Valentine's Day themed variety show. $10 - includes champagne!

Jen has famous friends...

Go see this and tell me about it.

I'd go - but babies and burlesque shouldn't mix.

See Jen's site for more info!

You never know what's gonna happen when you roll with the cool cats.

Just came back from lunching at The Lodge (aka employee cafeteria) with my good buddy and Spike TV biatch Red Beard McCarthy. On the way back to my cubicle, I got stopped on the street (since my cube is in a different building) by a woman with a lot of bronzer and a camera who asked me some questions about yogurt, including:

Bronze Goddess: Are you aware that there is bacteria in yogurt?
Carolyn: Yes.

BG: Are you aware that certain bacteria are good for you?
C: Yes, I think most ladies are.

BG: Do you know what a probiotic is?
C: No, but it sounds like a professional football playing robot.

Turns out, she was working for Dannon, who just put out this new product:

"Probiotic" means, literally, "for life." As defined by the World Health Organization (WHO), a probiotic is a living microorganism that, when administered in adequate amounts, confers a health benefit on its host. For hundreds of years dairy foods containing live cultures have been touted as having beneficial properties, and scientific studies now support many of these claims. Increasing numbers of health-conscious people worldwide are including these "functional foods" in their diets. Activia® is the only product in the world that contains Bifidus Regularis™. Learn more at Dannon's website on probiotics.

Now here's how I'm gonna bring it all together:

Bex Schwartz works at VH1 - also a subsidiary of Viacom - and she tells a mean joke about curing yeast infections with the "acidophidick."

People: Yogurt + Viacom employees = Awesomeness!

Pinky Swear

Finally saw Pink's Stupid Girls video today. I fucking love her. I missed you, grrl!

And speaking of stupid girls...

I dunno... I'd probably do it. I mean, not on purpose - and not to go to Starbucks - but I'm just sayin'... for months now Britney and I have been in line step for step.

She had a baby, I had a baby.

She cut her hair, I cut my hair.

We've both been exploring our faith...

All I'm saying is, it's fine to make fun, but we all might just be a little closer to our inner pop tart than we think.

Please Mr. Postman

Have you checked out The Post Show this week? My ass hurts...

These kids today...

I just can't keep up! My good buddy (and newly minted fashionista) Ana Carolina walked in to our place d'emploi this morning wearing the hottest green kicks with the cutest matching belt - and you know my ghetto ass loves me a matching shoe/belt combo - not to mention the complimentary brocade waistcoat and yellow/green hand-knit scarf. I just about died. It all goes perfectly with my shirt today - I'm green with envy. (Ha ha ha ha ha! Color jokes...) I can't wait until I can afford a new pair of jeans so I don't have to wear this 7 year old pair of polyester pajama bottoms - I mean, pants - ever again.

I sure do miss my baby, but my jones for these sneaks just might allow me to take my thoughts off of her long enough to get some work done.

Simply the Best

Ginormous jazz hands to everyone who came out and made our STANDING ROOM ONLY show at Mo Pitkin's a huge success! Arms waving in the air, swinging like they just don't care to all the girls who were ready to rock: Adira Amram, Erin Hall, Mindy Raf, Jessy Delfino and The Hazzards! Somebody say OH YEAH!

I run the risk of losing my street cred, but...

I had fun at The View. First of all, it's just great to see the way a live studio show works. The crew is amazing and the camera guys are brilliant - those ladies jump all over the place with no cues and these guys know exactly who to cut to, when to pan out, etc. Secondly, it was really funny, and my girl Joy brought the goods, with Star and Meredith close behind in the race for the ha. Barbara wasn't there, and my statement below about Mz. H still stands. She's as conservative as it gets, and Joy about ripped her a new asshole when they were talking about Cindy Sheehan getting arrested last night. (DID YOU KNOW THAT? SHE GOT ARRESTED FOR WEARING A T-SHIRT! ARE THE TRAINS RUNNING ON TIME CUZ IT SMELLS LIKE MUSSOLINI IN HERE...)

Anyway - Vanessa Williams was the guest and she looked lovely as always thanks to Botox and Proactiv. (She made the Botox joke herself - the bitch has got 4 kids - SHE LOOKS AMAZING!) The girls on the show all seemed extremely nice and genuine, taking questions and mingling in the audience. Meredith is actually quite pretty in person, and Joy is super cute. And, come on, tomorrow is their 2000th show - they gotta be doing something right!!!

Star let someone in the audience look at her ring, by the way. It's probably 5 carats. Disgustingly fantastic.

So back to the 2000th episode tomorrow... My friend April now has a history of going to tapings the day before all the good shit happens. She went to a taping of Martha and got a $10 t-shirt from Puffy - the next day, everyone in the audience got a $1200 set of cooking knives! Today we all got The Sonoma Diet (in hardcover - Happy Birthday, Mom!) but tomorrow the show is full of "surprises" for the audience. She put in for Daily Show tickets, too, but I think I'm gonna wait and go on my own. I don't want to be there the day the audience gets Kay Bailey Hutchinson's autobiography.

But if she wants to go see Colbert... I'm in. Even if we get O'Reilly Factor hats.

Room with a View

I'm waiting for my friend April to come pick me up so we can can go to a taping of the goddamned View this morning. What?! Is it really 8:00 am? Have I really been up since 6:45? Yes. Why?

So Mama can steal some new material from you know who!

Madame Joy Behar-dee-har-har.

If I don't walk out of this taping with a brand-new pair of Payless shoes personally autographed by Star friging Jones I am going to be pissed.

And Elisabeth Hasselbeck's baby can suck Adriana's dick.

I'm sorry, ladies. Obviously I'm projecting. If I could even hope to have Joy Behar's career and Elisabeth with an s's rear, I'd be a better person. But I'm not a better person. I'm just sayin'.

Meredith - I wanna like you - but that taut little face... You look like you need to take a mean poop. Even when you're smiling. Ouch.

Do you think I should wear my "I'd rather be watching Ellen" t-shirt?

Or what about my "I've had my Phil of talk shows" scarf?

What if I just wrote COLBERT* in black marker on my naked breasts?

Ooh - Babwa would be pissed.

*Stephen Colbert, if you're reading this, and let's face it, I know this is where you get your news, I had a dream about you last night sweetie. And let me just say, that taping was TOTALLY worth it.

p.s. - They say we reject what is closest to us, and Joy and I are just a few dye jobs away, really. I can take it. Besides, I've heard Jenny Craig is a great company to work for.