So, I did Adam Sank's show at Therapy just before the holidays, and one of the ladies of New York Cool came to review it. Here's what she said about me (review in italics):
Next up was Carolyn Castiglia, whom you may have seen perform at Caroline's or Gotham.
Okay, not a bad opening line. But though I have performed both places several times, I highly doubt "you" have seen me. But, why take issue with the first of two accurate sentences?...
She graced the stage wearing a "tent" of a shirt, which she said she wore for easy nipple access.
Woah, nellie! "Tent" of a shirt! First of all, it was not a tent - just because the arms were huge like butterfly wings does not it a tent make. And if I had called it a tent myself that would be one thing (and presumably why it's in quotes), but I called it a moo-moo, said I looked like Bea Arthur and wanted my cheesecake and that I realized when I was getting dressed that I am a drag queen trapped in a lesbian's body - all homo on the top and all Home Depot on the bottom. (A moo-moo and mom jeans - it totally worked. The gay boys loved it...) I mean, tent and moo-moo are not that far off, but it's like just because I call my mom a beech doesn't mean you can call her an a-hole, you know? (Right mom?!) This is why Brad and Jen broke up! Misquotes!
And I'd like to state for the record that I did not accuse the shirt of having easy nip access. That would be slutty. And I'm not a slut - I'm a whore. (Just kidding! I'm not a whore - whores get paid!) But seriously folks - this is a pre-preggers shirt we're talkin' about and it is so tight now in the boobular region you'd have to peel it off to get access to my uber-thick nursing bra and chip that away to get even close to the nips. Sorry.
She explained that she had pulled her eight-month-old-baby-girl off her breast as she ran out the door to "work."
Weeks. The baby was 8 weeks. Oy! And I didn't string any of those words together but I did talk about breastfeeding. And I never call comedy "work." Work would mean I get paid! If I was consistently paid as a comic, would I keep my job as a prostitute? I mean, really... (Just kidding! I prefer the term "lady of the evening." Or Geisha, if my moo-moo has an Asian feel.)
She also told us that work was the place where she could cuddle a beer and her husband wouldn't know. She told us that she felt there was a certain amount of lesbianism to breast feeding. Before the birth of her baby, the only times a woman had sucked her tit, it was lesbianism. She also spoke about living in East Harlem as a white woman with a black woman's ass.
These things are all vaguely correct. Although the phrase "it was lesbianism" has never been uttered from my mouth. Probably because there was a boobie in it! HEY! No - just kidding. I always let them do the work. (All my lesbians know, that's why you don't hook up with straight girls, am I right?! Am I right?!)
Carolyn certainly does know how to throw the shit right back at anyone who wants to dish it out.
So true. The last time I was at the Bronx Zoo, the gorillas started dishing out this stew, and I was like, "What is this? It looks like shit!" and threw it right back in their cage. Frickin' animals!
Therapy has often been described as having a tough crowd to please, but all three performers had a ball and the audience loved them.
Thank God! The review is sweet, but just totally made up. I'm glad she had a good time - everyone did - but bring a tape recorder next time, baby! I guess this is a good lesson in what parts of my schtick people take home with them, though. I'm not sure I want my lasting impression to be easy nip access and alcoholism. I mean, I don't want to come up on a Google search with Tara Reid.
