Bush is a Dick-Wad

Grr, grr and more grr! One grr for my temp job (that will have to be a separate post), one grr for DeLay (the capital G one) and one for W. Here's why:

DeLay re Schiavo:

"This loss happened because our legal system did not protect the people who need protection most, and that will change," the Texas Republican said. "The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior, but not today. Today we grieve, we pray, and we hope to God this fate never befalls another."

(Hurl, barf, up-chuck, red-faced disgust... and composure.)

Bushie re Schiavo:

"I appreciate the example of grace and dignity they have displayed at a difficult time," the president said. "I urge all those who honor Terri Schiavo to continue to work to build a culture of life where all Americans are welcomed and valued and protected, especially those who live at the mercy of others."

(Click the title of the post for the full story.)

Yeah, like prisoners and poor people? God knows you love them! And Rep. (him a new asshole) DeLay - are you really going to whip out your sword and punish the justices who are the only people sane enough to stay out of this case when what you are supposedly arguing is respect???!!!!!! I seriously think I am going to die from being freaked-out pissed-off right now. I cannot believe the kind of absolutely INSANE, IMBALANCED, UNWISE, UNINTELLIGENT, COCK-FUELED, HALF-COCKED, STUPID-ASS leadership the blue half of us are being subjected to. Seriously. And when I (and others like me) get this pissed and out-of-mind shitless scared for my own rights and liberties, I just think, "and the rest of you fuckers who voted for him deserve this." But a) they don't care and b) that's not gonna help the rest of us. So, I am going to let this go now, like the rest of the nation hopefully will. Except the danger in that of course is that we will all forget while the legislators whittle away our will with their lack of insight in their offices of hate and greed...

You know, I didn't understand why people were celebrating Hunter S. Thompson's suicide a couple weeks ago, but now I think I get it. He made a choice. My grandparents made the same choice. It hurt, but a lot of things in life hurt, you know? That doesn't mean they're not honest and real. And just because something doesn't hurt doesn't mean it's going to be painless for you in the end.

I have to go now - the insane woman I'm working for is micromanaging me and it's tough to sit and type with her in my butt-crack. Bye!

Jodi's interview on Gothamist!

So my buddy Nichelle interviewed my buddy Jodi for today's Gothamist! Click the title for the goods!

What I did over Easter Vacation...

I think I'm done posting photos now because it has taken me all day to do these few! (I can't believe I just admitted I've been doing this all day. I did some other stuff, too. I sent a really important email and watched Ellen, so, yeah. I'm not any more impressive now, am I?)

Anyway - here's a nice glimpse into my weekend! Enjoy!

My niece Gabriela - Carbohydrate Champion

She can't help it - it's in her genes - and will unfortunately one day be in her jeans as well.

She's so cute, right? Well, I know she looks a little crazy here, but she's really the BEST KID EVER! (Except my impending kid - who Gab thinks we should name after her. Ha!) She did give me tons of name suggestions though, my favorite being Clover. Isn't it great? It's such a rock star baby name. "Apple, meet Clover. Clover, this is Apple, Aunt Gwyneth's daughter." I love it.

Ah, nature...

This was taken from the pier at Fair Haven State Park, located on Lake Ontario, where we sojourned apres diner. You can see 1 or 2 seagulls in there I think - my sister works at an Italian restaurant and brought like 50 leftover loaves of bread to feed "the ducks" (seagulls, known in Central New York as "rats with wings.") Not only did we feed the birds, but my Dad and niece decided to get in on the free bread action, until my sister pointed out that the bread was moldy. I don't think either of them cared. Class.

Ice on the Lake

With my sister Maria, rocking the MAN SHADES!

Oh yes, I LOVE my new MAN SHADES! They are all the rage in LA, being worn by the likes of Drew Barrymore and Gwen Stefani, except mine only cost $5 at Wal*Mart. It was freezing by the lake, which is why Maria's face and my hair look the way they do. I kinda like that we looked trashed on Easter Sunday...

What I ate on Easter...

From top, clockwise:

Brussel Sprouts
Pork Loin
Polish Sausage (some might say "Kielbasa," pronounced in Central New York as "Ka-ba-see")
Mashed Potatoes with Gravy
Stuffing with Gravy
Glazed Carrots
White Asparagus

Um, YUM! Right on, Mom. Nice work.

Please take note of the tablecloth.

To quote Sondheim, "I'm Still Here!"

Yo, you guys - I have said it so many times - but posting from home SUCKS! This computer just does not want me to blog. I tried to post a photo from the weekend for hours yesterday and I finally just gave up. I'm gonna try again now, because I know you miss me. I miss you too! (It's okay to be emotional guys. I'm on a new kick of admitting how much I love stuff. You should try it! It's dorky - BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD!)

I love toast with butter.

There - I said it. WHEW!

p.s. - I'm playing and singing "I Wanna Run To You" again. I love that song.

I wanna run to you - woo hoo!
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you, but if I come to you - woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away???????? NO!

Good Friday?

You know, I was just thinking, what is so good about Good Friday? I mean, if Jesus is your thing, and today's the day he died, wouldn't you think that was bad? Now, I know Mel Gibson thinks it's good cuz his Saviour (I'm sure he spells it that way, being an Aussie and all - but did you know he was born in Upstate New York? Sorry, I digress...) he thinks it's good that his Saviour died so he could rise again and give him New Life (like that whore Lucy in Jekyll and Hyde - little joke for the Musical Theatre geeks) - and because it makes a great plot for a film you get to release TWICE. But isn't the fact that Jesus rose again actually the good part? Easter should be called Good Sunday and Good Friday should be called Sad Friday, don't you think? Easter really is the good part, what with all the candy and pink dresses and whatnot. And where did the name Easter come from anyway and what does it have to do with Jesus? Turns out, not much. According to several sources, Easter is an ancient word for Spring and also very close to several names of Pagan Goddesses. So, there you have it: the case for Good Sunday. ("God is just Good without the extra O!")

The whole Good Friday thing just reminds me of how it's human nature to dwell on the negative. I can remember being a kid and having my Aunt Kathy say to me, "Carolyn, today we're supposed to focus on how Jesus suffered and died on the cross - and be thankful!" That makes no sense. "Hey dude, I'm totally glad you were tortured. Thanks a lot for doin' that. You rock! Now I get to be an asshole and a hypocrite for the rest of my life because some politicians were scared of your positive message and beat the shit out of you." (Falun-Gong anyone? I know they're annoying, but come on, some things never change...)

I think what frustrated me the most about Catholicism as a kid was that nobody focused on the happy parts of the faith - the "be nice to other people and treat them how you want to be treated" part. Everyone always had to focus on the negative and ridiculous part: "Jesus DIED so you could have that toy! Oh, you're gonna cry now? JESUS!"

I feel like I need to wrap this post up, a) because nobody likes a girl on a soapbox and b) because if we don't get outta here soon there's gonna be a procession of crying Mexican women comin' down 116 and then we'll never be able to get outta here. So, I'll end with this: all this talk of the Big J reminds me of a man I met when I lived in Chicago - Jesus. Not "Hay-seuss" Jesus - "Gee-zus" Jesus. Or at least his Number One fan. I mean, he would dress like Jesus, he had long hair like Jesus - he even carried a cross like Jesus, on the El Train. I would see this dude all time, which is good cuz you don't want to wonder where Jesus is, you know? You wanna know he's on the job and ready to help should he be needed. And he was pretty pious about the whole thing - he never really looked at people or talked, just kind of walked around or stood on the train to let his presence be known. But one night, around 9 o'clock, Jesus must have been a little tired, cuz I caught him in a moment of weakness. As the train doors were closing, Jesus caught his reflection and actually FIXED HIS HAIR! Like for a good 2 minutes. I saw him! Oh - the humanity, the vanity. Poor Jesus. Even he's susceptible to a bad hair day. Isn't it nice to know that he cares? I mean, who wants their savior to look like shit? Not me! That's why my savior is Mother Nature. She looks great all year round!

Hip-Hop-Happity Easter

Click the title for a fun Easter treat from MC E.B.

Talk to the Hand!

Whitney is in rehab - again. I can't believe it, Whitney. But I Will Always Love You. I mean, don't you ever just look at that triflin' husband of yours and say Didn't We Almost Have It All? You should! This is all his fault. If only you had a better Bodyguard. You have to remember how inspirational you are girl - when I hear your music, I Wanna Dance With Somebody! Or sometimes, I Wanna Run To You. But no matter what happens with this rehab thing, Your Love is My Love, because I'm Every Woman. Remember, The Greatest Love of All is inside of you, Whitney! I'm Saving All My Love For You because You Give Good Love!

Signed, your number one fan (who doesn't actually own any of your records but does have two of your songs on a mix tape!) - Carolyn

p.s. - CRACK IS WACK!

p.p.s. - You know, come to think of it, I can't blame everything on Bobby. I mean after all, your Aunt Dionne could have stepped in - I mean, That's What Friends Are For. Especially if they're Psychic Friends. She should have seen this coming...

At home today - won't be as many posts - sorry!

Hey kids! I know you got used to my machine-gun style posting over the past few days, but unfortunately I am an artist and I work in spurts. Literally - since temping isn't exactly what you'd call "predictable." But hey - luckily I'm home instead - wearing navy blue pajama pants and a hot pink "I heart NY" tee under a green hoodie from Old Navy topped off with yesterday's makeup and string of pearls! Lucky for who, I don't know - my cat Lucky, perchance?! (said in British accent with knowing wink). Ha ha ha ha ha! (ditto).

I'm sure most of you know this, (you techno-savvy e-hounds!) but I figure since you're here you might be looking for something to read; check out the Flickr blog and find out about how they got acquired by Yahoo!

Methinks that Yahoo! and Google will become fast friends, no? There hasn't been a burgeoning relationship this exciting since the speculation about Angelina and Brad dating! (And by exciting I mean something only a few people care about but that at least doesn't involve work.)

Have fun today, y'all!

Peace, ckc

This is Lily...

...doesn't she look like a Steve Madden model? Look at that head! She looks like Paris Hilton. Except cuter.

Rock the Tote

Click the title for an awesome website with great pins and bags! Girls - you'll be psyched - guys, trust me, if you need to get a gift for your lady, GO HERE. Cheap and chic! (Are you listening, baby?)

I'd just like to Thank the guy who didn't say Bless You after I said it to him.

Thank You. Thank You very much.

No, you know what? You don't even deserve my sarcastic Thank You.

So there.

More...

This is the name of the company that makes the chocolate pizza. It's called The Chocolate Pizza Company! I love it! They are located in Marcellus, NY, not too far from my hometown, actually. If you want to order some for yourself - you can get to their website from here - I was so impressed with the concept I added them to my link list on the right - they are right before my new Weather Pixies! (Please check those out, too.)

Out of boredom comes the fruit of insanity! Ha ha ha ha! (But I love the way it's lookin' around here...)

Chocolate Pizza?!

This incredible discovery came to me via edicius - and Thank God cuz I think I was having one of the worst days of my life! Not for any particular reason other than the fact that my soul is being sucked out of me by the corporate hell I'm in, but it's nothing a little CHOCOLATE PIZZA can't fix! Yeah, baby! OW!

I'm hoping this will cheer me up...

I'm not sure it's working.

Any ideas to kill deathly boredom that don't involve spending money?

GO!

Busted Tees

If I had a truckload of cash just sitting around - I'd buy every t-shirt on the Busted Tees website! (Provided that the truck was filled with $100's as opposed to $1's - I mean, there are some shoes I want, too.) You gotta check that sh*t out cuz it's FUNNY! (And saving me from suicide right now. Do you think I should send them a Thank You email?)

The Investment Banking Blues

I got the blues
The Investment Bank Blues

Wearing sneakers not shoes
To try and stomp my blues

I feel so used
The Investment Bank Blues

Gonna drown my sorrows in food
From the Investment Bank Blues

Showed up this morning
Lookin' pretty as hell

Then I met my boss
Mean old Mr. Bell

I do my work
Answer the phone real swell

But he's decided
To make my life hell

That's why I got the blues...
I got the Down Dirty Investment Bank Blues!

Feel like I wanna die,
But I'll just go in the bathroom and cry -

I got the lowdown, nasty, all-out trashy,
Mean-old cranky, somebody just spank me -

Cuz I'm working for the man!
I GOT THE INVESTMENT BANKING BLUES!

What I will be naming my kids if I have triplets...

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Oh my God I love St. Patrick's Day! And not so much because I am a huge drunk (can't wait to get tanked on Sprite this year!) but mostly because St. Patrick's Day is a holiday close to my heart. My family is sort of Irish (we're pale anyway) and where I grew up (in what I know now is the Whitest Town in America) everyone donned green turtlenecks and shamrock earrings from the drug store (I guess they get them at Wal*Mart now, or maybe the gas station) and got really, really psyched. About what, I don't know, because there was no parade or anything - but I guess the drinking and the cabbage were enough to go buck wild over. Which makes sense, since there are more bars than people in Oswego, and more people than jobs, which makes cabbage a special treat, I guess. To the average Oswegonian, beer is like water, which is probably a good thing since our reservoir, Lake Ontario, is home to a nuclear power plant. I guess that's why we feel so comfortable wearing green...

I think the show I was supposed to do tonight got cancelled, so I'm thinking about partying instead. And when I say partying, I mean whipping out my Irish Folk Songs sheet music and playing some mean 2 octave synthesizer while belting Danny Boy high on Shamrock Shakes, son! Don't mess with this gangsta-biatch, or I will funk you up to the tune of When Irish Eyes are Smiling so hard you'll think you were smacked upside the head with the Blarney Stone, Erin!

If you're gonna be alone tonight (like me) why not try out this hot recipe from the Guiness website? It's real classy, yo:

SHOPPING LIST:

Package of crackers (get the nice ones, not saltines like your grandma eats.)

1 8 oz. package cream cheese, softened

1 8 oz. package processed cheese (like Velveeta)

1/2 Guiness Draught in a bottle, room temperature

1 clove garlic, peeled and crushed (if this is too hard, buy the already minced type (in the jar) or totally take the easy way out and get garlic powder. NOT garlic SALT - garlic POWDER. There's a difference.)

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a medium-sized bowl, whip everything but the crackers together. Toss it in the microwave to get the cheese to soften. When your arm gets tired, have a friend or neighbor whip it for a while. Or better yet, invest in an electric mixer. Continue whipping until smooth. Drink remaining 1/2 bottle of Guiness - just to get it off the counter.

2. Put dip in the nicest bowl you have, and serve it with the crackers. Tip: Take the crackers out of the box and put them on a plate, if you own one.

3. Reward yourself for all your hard work with a Guiness Draught in a bottle.

Editor's Note: If you are pregnant, substitute an O'Doul's for the Guiness. Should work since both beers are authentic Irish, via St. Louis, MO and Stamford, CT, respectively.

Hey, Cupcake!

The gorgeous girls over at All Cupcakes, All the Time have posted some haikus I wrote them! Check it out - they were also listed in the Metro - that's right - that free paper you almost feel dirty taking because you know you should be reading a book or even the Post but it's better than staring at those racist Michelob Ultra ads that only show buff white people being responsible about their alcohol/carb ratio - but I digress.....

Check out the cupcakes. It'll fill your every craving.

Back at "The Bank..."

Except on a different floor. I feel very lonely. My girls on 9 are not logged into the chat system right now so I can't play with them and my friend Jodi is here somewhere but I haven't seen her yet. I'm eating fruit salad and looking at pictures of someone else's kid, thinking about what gene it is exactly that makes someone want to become a Municipal Derivatives Trader and hoping my kid doesn't end up with it. Actually, these guys are alright - just kidded around with a few of them - I guess that's what I get for being judgmental...

Also wondering what prompts a grown woman to have a mini Bratz doll on her desk, but I guess I shouldn't talk since when I left my last position here Angelena said, "I was so sad when I came in this morning and noticed your Hello Kitty bank and your Miss Piggy screen saver were gone!"

It's always someone's birthday in the Investment Banking industry. I just heard "Happy Birthday, Milton!" Yes, Happy Birthday Milton. Does this mean I'll be forced to order an ice cream cake later today? And smile while I cut it into pieces lovingly for all these strangers? And laugh while wealthy 30-somethings jauntily toss the pigskin around like back in their college days?

Oh, man. I gotta get a movie deal, yo. It's only 9:27...

Ellen! It's been too long...

I just realized it's been way too way too long since I last mentioned my dear old friend Ellen DeGeneres. God, she is amazing. Glenn Close (Crazy Glenn!) and Tori Amos (need I add a descriptor there?) in ONE SHOW?! WOW...

Now I can't wait to have a baby so I can send into Ellen's "Celebrity Babies" or "Dance With Me" segments! I will co-host someday. Someday...

Carolyn Castiglia - Undiscovered Supermom?

Okay, dudes. It's official. Everyone's favorite Undiscovered Superstar is having a frickin' kid! Went to the doctor yesterday for the first time - it's comin' out October 14. I feel a little bit like Elisabeth Hasselbeck, except a lot cooler and way smarter. (And, okay, chubbier, but who cares? I'm gonna be gettin' even bigger now! Can't wait!)

So, there you have it. It's as simple as the birds and the bees, ABC's and 123's. Before I take off, I'd like to give a shout out to my Baby Daddy! And one to my husband, too. HEY! HO!

"I haven't showered. Since Tuesday."

Okay, I'm just flipping through an old issue of Entertainment Weekly (cuz, what else are you gonna do when you don't have a job? Go buy a new one?) and I see this ad for "babytalk" magazine with a picture of a mom just grinning from ear to ear, holding her two kids, and the caption says, "I haven't showered. Since Tuesday." Now, I haven't showered since Tuesday, either, but it's only Wednesday and I'm about to hop in there as soon as I finish this post. But the reader is to presume here that this ad is taking place on Saturday or Sunday and that skank-mom hasn't douched in almost a week. (It's French - look it up. I'm not talkin' about Summer's Eve. That's gross.)

Anyway - the ad goes on to say, "When you have a baby you learn fast what matters and what doesn't. Showers don't." What?! First of all, in the magazine printed right here before my eyes there is no period after "what doesn't." No hyphen, no comma or anything - but I couldn't do that to you on the blog because bad punctuation and grammar drives me crazy. Unless it's purposely done to sound vernacular, which I do a lot, cuz you know, I'm down, but come on, this is a magazine ad! Anyway, the next fragment after "Showers don't." is "Sanity does." Exactly! Which is why your ass should be taking some time to take a goddamn shower, girl! Hello? "Calgon, Take Me Away!" and all that? What is wrong with you? Could anyone possibly find more sanity in smelling like yesterday's undies than in feeling and smelling like kiwi-melon goodness? I hope not.

Lastly, the end of the ad says, "We'll stick by your side for all of it. Even if you never shower again." No. Come on! Lord knows ain't nobody stickin' by no one who's never gonna shower AGAIN! Jesus Christ! This magazine should be shut down for endangering the lives of mothers, which in turn endangers the lives of children. "babytalk" - please! It should be called DIRT BABY and have a picture of Pigpen on the cover! Their website is http://www.babytalk.com. It may look cute on the outside, but I wouldn't get too close... Unless you watch a lot of Sesame Street and really like Oscar the Grouch. Which case, I guess this really is the magazine for you.

When a downtrodden housewife on Dr. Phil wears a sweater that you own, should you shoot yourself or hang yourself?

That's what I get for shopping at JC Penney.

Interviews and Bubba and Snow, Oh My!

Let me start by saying, sorry for the lack of a Monday post, everybody. I had a busy day yesterday, as one is apt to do when one is on the hunt for that precarious beast called "a job." But, I am dutiful, so first thing in the morning I spruced up my resume, sent it into the temp agency, set up a 4:30 interview and went off about my day. I had to drop my timesheet off by 1 pm, so I did, then put on my suit jacket and face, and went to have some lunch. Had a make your own burrito at Europa Cafe, not the best, but okay, and then killed some time reading in Bryant Park. Killed some more time browsing in Coliseum Books, and then finally at 4 pm took a walk across town to my "interview." I say "interview," because there was no tangible job attached to this little chat my interviewer and I had - she had already given that away hours before. But being the lovely little lass she was, she decided to meet me anyway, in case something came up in the future, which is probably a good thing, but doesn't help me much now. She asked me why I'd been a temp so long, and I told her it was because I had violent outbursts at the copy machine that prevented me from being hired permanently, but then I said, "Just kidding! I'm a performer." And she said, "I see." She asked me what my experience was, and I told her I knew everything there was to know about Investment Banking since I've worked in every department at several different banks, and she said, "Do you have your Series 7?" and I said, "No." and she said, "I see." And I said, "I see said the blind man as he was pissing in the wind - it's all coming back to me now," and she said the interview was over.

Now, normally, when I am "in-between jobs," I'd rush awake at the sound of the alarm everyday and call the temp agency like a good little girl. But today I decided to languish in bed to the sound of the raindrops, which are now snowflakes. Great! Like I'm gonna do anything of use to myself now! I was gonna go pull plastic bags out of trees in Central Park with Bette Midler, but with this weather, I don't know.

I do have a show tonight - Chicks and Giggles at Raga on 6th between 1st and A. 8:30 - FREE! (Check http://chicksandgiggles.blogspot.com for the lineup.) Sorry - normally I'd do a fancy link and formatting at all, but you know, in the "home office" (bedroom/den) we have a Mac, and you know how that is...

Other than the job stuff, I'm depressed Bubba is in the hospital again. Do you think Bush Sr. put something in his Mai Tai on this latest trip to Southeast Asia? No, I'm just kidding. I know he would never do that. It was probably Bush Jr.

Anyway - I think I'm gonna go on unemployment. I have never gone on unemployment, and everyone else I know that performs in this city has, so the way I see it, it's just my turn. And besides, it'll only be for a month, because they want me back at "the bank" in April. Who knows? Maybe with tons of time on my hands (beside the time I spend making Ramen noodles, but that only takes 5 minutes twice a day, that's nothin') I may just write my way into a new job or Superstardom after all. Why just yesterday I got offered a paying gig in Allentown, PA! Hollywood, get ready! First PA, then LA, baby, yeah!

Okay. It's still snowing. I just checked. This sucks balls. Maybe a good laugh tonight is just what everyone needs...

Until then, think on this haiku:

Snow sucks. I hate it.
Maybe I should move out West?
I like rats too much.

Celebrity Sighting #93

Just saw Walter Cronkite at China Grill. First of all, let me just say that man has some big ass brows! You could braid that shit and wrap them around the back of his head and tie them in a bow! Secondly, why was I at China Grill, you ask? Because my 23 year old boss is awesome and took me out for a goodbye lunch there! Oh, boy - if you ever get the chance to eat there, please do. I had partaken in the Duck Salad before as the recipient of leftovers brought back to the office by benevolent salespeople, but never sat down for the full experience. Amazing!

In addition to the Duck Salad, we had Lobster Pancakes and Szechwan Tenderloin - and - it just keeps getting better - my friend Brook (who I used to wait tables with on 42nd Street at a swanky* restaurant with a very exclusive clientele** was our waiter) and gave us a free dessert! I don't know what it's called, but it's some chocolaty thing with creme fresh on top with a scoop of creme fresh on the side... which I thought was ice cream even though we didn't eat it until we got back to the office 30 minutes after he gave it to us and it never dawned on me that it was amazing it hadn't melted yet... so I took a huge bite of it and said, "Ugh! This ice cream tastes like shit!" You can take the girl out of Oswego, but...

Anyway, Brook is in a band and Lewis Black is apparently one of his biggest fans... Plus another 42nd Street friend named Kate now works there, too, and she is doing a reading of The Food Chain tomorrow night and Into the Woods in the next couple weeks, so it was good to see they're doing well. They used to be big into slamming at the Bowery Poetry Club, like my fellow blogger Rich Villar who I met at WYSIWYG. I wonder if they've ever met?...

All in all, it's been a great day today. The sun is shining in midtown, the air is crisp, and I feel less hairy than I have in a while. Thanks Walt, for putting things in perspective for me. And a big shout out to my peeps at "the bank!" If you're reading this, I'll miss you! If you're not, that says it all, huh? ;)

*By swanky, I mean covered in BBQ sauce.

**By exclusive clientele, I mean the kind that exclude the tip.

FUN NEW TOY!

Click the title for an awesome experience you won't forget! But make sure you have plenty of time on your hands, cuz you'll want to try making your own...

(via Christian Finnegan)

They put these guys on Conan O'Brien?

You gotta be kidding me! Whoever booked Slipnot for mainstream late nite TV is insane! If you think Marilyn Manson is slightly left of center, these guys are off the charts! I think Conan must have been hiding under his desk the entire time they "played." WTF, dude? It's not Halloween. I understand the need to wear makeup on stage, believe me, but there's KISS and then there's crack. That's all I'm sayin'.

Tyra Banks - Undiscovered Supermodel

Oh my God - I don't know if you've heard of this girl or not, but watch out! Cuz she is really on the rise. Her name is Tyra Banks, and she's a 20-something "slashie" (model/actor) who not only graces the pages of Sports Illustrated and Victoria's Secret, but also stars on a show called "America's Next Top Model," already in Season 4! I can't believe more people haven't heard of this girl! But, don't worry, she'll be a household name soon enough when she starts her daytime talk show and simultaneously releases her debut CD! Wow - this girl must be seriously talented!

Good luck, Tyra Banks! Showbiz is tough, but if you stick to it long enough, you'll get there one day... I just know it! You're too pretty not to win! (You might want to look into that skin disease, though. Red bumps are one thing, but blue dots? I don't know...)

This is my boss' view in Long Island

Guess what? MY BOSS IS 23! She has a summer house in Long Island.

WHY WAS I BORN?!

If You Like Boobies, Celebrate!

It's Women's History Month! Yay!

Women Change America - like Sacajawea and Susan B. Anthony.

Do ya think he had Narcolepsy?

T-I-R-E-D

Tried to
Intervene with coffee but
Reaction - nothing
Eyelids
Droopy