More than a week after she gave birth, the world finally knows what Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have named their little bundle of joy: Sean Preston Federline.
Speculation about the baby's name ran wild last week, as Us Weekly had it as Preston Michael, "Access Hollywood" opted for Sean Preston and sources close to Spears told MTV News that the name was Christian Michael. We asked you to give us your picks and 36 percent of you went with Preston, with "none of the above" in second place with 28 percent, beating out London (15 percent), Michael (13 percent) and Kevin Jr. (8 percent).
None Of The Above Spears. Ha! That's pretty funny.
The one goddamn thing Britney can keep secret is the name of her kid?! We saw her trashy fried-chicken, pink sweatpants wedding - we've seen just about every square inch of her body, but for over a week nobody knew the name of her kid? God that girl's either really good at playing the media, has totally f*cked up priorities or both. At this point we're lucky she didn't name the kid "Cheeto Espresso Latte Spederline." (All the things she loves in one name. Except Houston's. Cheeto Espresso Houston's... it's got kind of a ring to it.) I can just see her now...
"Cheeto Espresso Spederline now I told you if you didn't pick up that beef jerky Bit-Bit was gonna eat it! She can't help it, now - she is only a dog! You don't make me run into the gas station convienience store barefoot for nothin' now! You need to respect me! I am not a slave 4 U! I am your mother! I can't hold this snake up here forever, you know!"
Back to the MTV.com article...
Spears, 23, who had been scheduled for a C-section on September 15, delivered the baby a day early after she began having early contractions, according to the magazine. She was accompanied at the hospital by Federline, her mother, Lynn, and sister, Jamie Lynn.
The proud parents were both crying as Sean Preston (6 lbs. 11 oz.) was born. Federline, 27, held his wife's hand throughout the operation and was "very affectionate toward her" during the operation, a source told People.
Oh, really, K-Fed? Then why is it that your wife is "smiling through her tears" according to this MSNBC article? Because you forgot your anniversary, you dumb shit! And then you go out and buy her a "mother's ring" and that's supposed to make up for it? She's all worried that she's fat and she's never gonna fit into anything but Mom Jeans (at least Tina and I'll be with you, slugger) and you forget your anniversary? You really are a douche bag, dude. Shave your goddamn face!
Now look - I don't wanna go feelin' all bad for Britney because frankly she is "resting" in a 9,000 square foot mansion right now and I am sitting in my bedroom/nursery/kitchen. But still... this kid is a jizface and everyone seems to know it but her. Well, maybe now she does...
At any rate - my friend Shawn knew the baby's name was Sean all along - I swear! You win, Hollenbach. Good job! Now maybe he can foretell something good about my kid...
