You know, some things just aren't meant to be, I guess. Yesterday I auditioned for a Hewlett-Packard commercial. When I got the call for the audition I was told I was supposed to be 28-32 (check), female (check), able to play an aunt or a sister in a big Italian family (check) and dressed for a BBQ (check and check.) And I was totally psyched for this audition because when the casting director found out I was pregnant over the phone he said, "Even better." Awesome. So, I show up in my cutely cropped jeans and my light blue trendy tie-dyed preggers tunic all ready to get sauce all over my face. Turns out, the character got changed mid-way through the auditions and now we were supposed to be a mom calming their baby by putting on a DVD. Uncheck, uncheck, uncheck. There was no baby, no DVD player, and no script. Which is fine - improv is my favorite - but still - there was no way I was gonna beat out the girl in the waiting room who BROUGHT HER FRICKING BABY. I mean, come on - some props are better than others, and that's one of the best I've seen. We got a chance to look at the character description before we went in and I turned to her and said, "This should be easy for you." with a wink and a smile, like, "Okay - you win." I also said, "My baby is still inside so it's gonna be a little harder." And what did she say? What do you think she said? She said:
"Oh! You're pregnant?"
I almost asked her if I could borrow her kid, but I figured that would be rude. He was pretty cute, but I'm not sure he'd make a good actor. He had a bit of a drooling problem. Only the really big stars can get away with that kind of shit, you know? I mean next thing you know he's gonna be pooping in his pants and then all hell's gonna break loose on the set. It's just not professional, dude. Seriously. Take that frigging thing out of your mouth and say your god damned lines, you know? My god... and I'm the one without a SAG card? Please.