Street Smarts vs. Books Smarts on The Apprentice sucked. BORING! Donald, I'm sorry, but the consensus here at "the bank" is thumbs down. The magic is over. It's time to get a real job.
Isn't it funny, Big D, how you are a successful business person who ended up on TV and I am a successful Undiscovered Superstar who ended up at a bank? Donald, if you're reading this (and let's face it, what else do you have to do?) I think you should consider having me guest host the show. If you think Kelly Rippa does a good impersonation of you doing "I'm Fired," you should see my impersonation of Amy Poehler doing Kelly Rippa doing you doing "I'm Fired." Bad ass.
Anyway, Don, I'm not the only one with a word to the wise here. Check out Andrew Wallenstein's bit on NPR. If NPR says it, it's gotta be true.
Look, I'm not tryin' to be all sour grapes here. This is a big weekend for you and I am so happy for you and what's her face! I don't wanna spoil the surprise, but the $8,500 porcelain Tiffany fruit basket - it's not from me.