Originally uploaded by ckc_molly.
Be Responsible! You don't want to get pulled over for FWI!
My old landlady Maria had these all over her house. Here's why...
DID THEY LOOK BECAUSE YOU TRIPPED
DID YOU TRIP BECAUSE THEY LOOKED?!
(That is not a coincidence, okay?! That is what it said on the Internet!)
The evil eye is the name for a sickness transmitted -- usually without intention -- by someone who is envious. It is also called the invidious eye and the envious eye. The evil eye belief is that a person can harm you, your children, your livestock, or your fruit trees, by looking at them with envy and praising them. The earliest written references to the evil eye occur on Sumerian clay tablets dating to the third millennium BC. Agate beads of exceptional quality, worn to protect the wearer from the influence of the evil eye were also discovered in the royal Sumerian graves at Ur. The most common article of decoration (as perceived by a European) in any Turkish house, car, on a person, children or property is the mysterious staring eye, set in blue glass called the Nazar Boncugu or Eye Bead. Amulets, which are worn to repel the evil eye are known as a repellent talisman or apotropaic charm. In Greece and Turkey, the most common form of apotropaic charm is the blue glass eye charm, which mirrors back the blue of the evil eye and thus confounds it. In regions where the Evil Eye belief occurs, the All-Seeing Eye is one of many forms of reflective eye-charm used as apotropaic talisman against this danger. The All-Seeing Eye - a single human eye surrounded by radiating beams of light - appears on the Great Seal of the United States, can be seen on at least one North American Good Luck Coin to guard the bearer from evil, and is among the many beautiful symbols of Freemasonry, where it represents the Great Architect of the Universe. From Turkey to Cyprus through the Central Asian Turkic republics to the Uygur Turks of China - and all those beyond and between - the belief in the effects of the eye are not only believed but genuinely feared.
A big thank you from my swollen knee to you, random lady. That's the last time I look pretty for no reason!
Ok - I saw Team America. Let me just say, it is by turns absolutely-f'ing-hilarious and eye-rollingly stupid. But, it is definitely worth seeing. My husband thought it was pro-Bush. I think it is pretty much anti-everybody, which (I think) is the film's real problem. You can't make a splash if you don't take a stand. (Okay, you can make a splash if you have a huge puking scene and naked puppets bumping uglies, but that's a different kind of splash, I'd say.)
My original plan was to do a huge and detailed review of the film, but honestly, it's not worth it. In the end, it's just another slapstick comedy from the white American male perspective. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just nothing new.) It is worth seeing... I just didn't LOVE it like I wanted to. All of the theatre-related jokes are priceless, plus, if you're a South Park fan, you'll get a kick out of the fact that Kim Jong Il sounds exactly like Cartman. The songs are hilarious, the puppets are amazing, the sets are breathtaking - really. But when they shot the Janeane Garofalo puppet in the head, I thought, "Wait a minute... now you're taking out your own kind." I guess people don't have to like you just because you've been on Comedy Central.
Overall, I'd give Team America 3 out of 4 stars. Not quite perfect, but fun nonetheless. Like America. (F*ck, Yeah!)
Carolyn: Oh, I wish I could advance my career by getting a commercial. What should I do?
Guide Guy: I know! Why not get a job at an Investment Bank that allows you to tool websites like Mandy.com all day and submit your headshot online?
Carolyn: Great idea, Guide Guy!
2 Weeks Later...
Guide Guy: So, kid, how's it going?
Carolyn: Great, Guide Guy! I'm actually going to make a commercial with you next week!
Guide Guy: With me?! But I work alone! I fly solo! This is MY gig, baby, and no two-bit hussy stand-up comic is gonna take it away from me!
Carolyn: Don't worry, Guide Guy. I think you have a few more lines than I do.
Guide Guy: Whew! Alright then. Welcome Aboard!
Carolyn: Thanks, Guide Guy! You make dreams come true!
That's right, folks! If you live in Westchester County and you own a TV, you just might see my smiley mug on the screen in a few weeks promoting THE GUIDE. I can't wait! I'm really excited, because you know there's usually a little chemistry between you and your co-star, and I've never done a scene with a book before. Should be educational! (Bu-dump-bump! Ching!)
Click the title of this post to see a great cartoon of Guide Guy in action! (Turn on your sound...)
Soon I will be wearing this to all my shows. (Don't worry - I will wash it between gigs. Or at least Febreze the pits.) I hope it doesn't piss anybody off, but it probably won't piss anybody off as much as a lifetime of having your name pronounced wrong does!
This one's for you, Gram! ;)
I am having a seriously great day today. First Ed Helms, now long lost relatives. Sort of. Read these emails and then you'll dig it:
To: Albert Castiglia
From: Carolyn Castiglia
Subject: Cousin Al!
When was the last time you got an email from a stranger? (Probably fairly frequently since you're on the web, but hey.) So, I'm Googling, and I decide to see what other Castiglia's are floating around out there... and I come across Albert, who has the most amazing T-Shirt ever! I am Carolyn Castiglia and I am a stand-up/actress in NYC. You can learn more about me at www.carolyncastiglia.com (so we're even). I wish you had a Baby Doll T, but I'll settle for plain old T style because I love your Ka-STEEL-Ya pronunciation tag - I will wear it to my shows. Please let me know how I can get one.
May the mafia protect you and yours...
From: Albert Castiglia
To: Carolyn Castiglia
Subject: Re: Cousin Al!
It's nice to know there's another Castiglia with some artistic skill. I'll be happy to send a t-shirt. I'll send you a c.d. as well. My girlfriend keeps telling me I ought to invest in the baby tees. I'll get wise one of these days. Just e-mail your address to me and I'll have it out to you by next week. I forwarded your e-mail to my father and mother. I hope you don't mind. They'll get a kick out of it. I have family in the Bronx. Were you raised in the city? Anyway, keep up the good work, be well and in the immortal words of Luka Brazzi, "MAY YOUR FIRST CHILD BE A MASCULINE CHILD!!!"
To: Albert Castiglia
From: Carolyn Castiglia
Subject: Re: Re: Cousin Al!
Unfortunately, my first child WILL be a masculine child, even if she is a girl.
I love that you gave my address to your parents! My Dad will go nuts!
That is awesome re. the shirt (and your girlfriend is right! Always.) ;)
I was raised in Oswego, NY, where there are lots and lots of Castiglia's! People always ask if it's a Spanish name - which is interesting in your case since you are also Cuban. (See, I read your bio.) ;)
It'll be great to hear your CD (I couldn't play it on the web) and please let me know if you are gigging in New York!
Peace, Love and Pizza,
END OF EMAIL EXCHANGE
So, not only does Al have an amazing T-Shirt, he is giving it to me for free. Al, you are the best! You win the Hero of the Day Award, which is a new award I just started because of you. To learn more about my cousin Al, please visit his website. (Just click the title of this post!) See, Italian people are talented at more than just eating and killing. So to all you Goomba's out there who got pissed off about Shark Tale, stop obsessing about our negative stereotypes and look at how much we love each other, huh?!
First of all, I won the Wheel of Death challenge at Mintyfresh on Saturday night at The Duplex. I am very proud of my win because I get very competitive at this game. You have to create a pun based on an audience suggestion, and you play against two other comics. If you lose, you have to spin the Wheel of Death (pictured) and suffer one of the punishments. Our suggestion was "Volkswagen" and the structure of the pun was: I saw a movie about ____ that was so bad! (How bad was it?) And then you deliver a brilliant punchline. I nailed it with my last zinger: "I saw a movie about VOLKSWAGENS that was so bad - it was FAR-FROM-NUGEN." Get it? It's a clever pun on VW's 90's-era catch phrase Farfignugen. (I don't boast for nothin'!) I have to give Bigg-Upps to my boys Allen and Jamie who are awesome and who I could have easily lost to - but I di'int! It was really my "185 Turtles walked into a bar..." joke that clinched my win early on, but I can't recreate it here because the spirit was just moving through me and I was speaking in tongues so I don't really remember what I said. It was something like "You try saying something with turtles! Painted? Sea turtles!? What I want to know is, who let these damn turtles into the bar?" and then when I was interrupted I said "This is my punchline - don't interrupt me! I will WIN!" See - it's not what you say - it's HOW you say it. Just like in politics. Only funner.
Then last night I had my friends from the 'hood over... we had a lovely salad, bruchetta, pasta dish with shrimp and Nutella dessert pizza. (Mo' Bigg-Upps to April who cooked the food, except the dessert pizza which was from Pie by the Pound. Awesome shop off Union Square - check it out.) We talked about how smoking is now "not cool" because it is "bad for your health." That is bullsh*t! Smoking may be "bad for your health," but it is great for your image, which is great for your self-esteem, which is more important than "health." How come smoking was not "not cool" when I thought smoking was not cool? This is so unfair. Now I have to be outside, alone, shivering and black-lunged and once again un-cool? I sold out to your peer pressure and now I have to sell out again just to get back to where I started? That sucks. It reminds me of that time in middle school when I wore fluorescent yellow Umbros over a pair of white pants and everyone, including my "best friend," ridiculed me. But I got the last laugh a year later when I was the one wearing Benetton and Guess and she was the one who dropped out cuz she was pregnant. Not sure what that has to do with smoking, but definitely a story worth telling.